Toshi Longkumer New Delhi
Yes, I am not married. No, I am not against Marriage. In fact, the idea of ‘two become one’ is a mesmerizing phenomenon amidst this hate-filled world. Although I admit that the conventional metaphor ‘12 o’clock time’ to tie the knot, has swiftly come and gone, barely making a ripple and without shuddering my manhood. I did not swallow any bitter pills nor my pride.
You see, I am a poor man. Of course, you can argue that being poor is relative. Ironically, my relatives are all poor. And I need to think more than the others to jump into the marriage bandwagon because of resources constrain.
Also, my parents want grandchildren because I am the first male offspring of their intense love. The seed of the first-born son being much sought after since the days of Adam and Eve, my seed has to be planted for regeneration somewhere somehow.
Alas! I cannot do the seeding randomly as the church, society, morality, respect, loose character etc., all strictly monitor to raise an impenetrable chastity belt. My surname cannot marry your surname; I hate your small eyes you hate my flat nose; your folks are all liars because they are politicians and since lying is their profession I cannot marry you; and many more differences not to marry, copulate and produce the desired offspring for multiplication! In the mean time, many of my friends are experiencing their child(ren)’s first day at school. An event that further triggers my parents’ green button and leaves me in a fix. Trust me, it is highly desirable that I should go to their homes during their family prayer time and give some lectures on why their choice in life has brought ineffable indignation on my otherwise happy-merry life.
However, this far, life is tolerably simple. I can survive despite constant taunts and peer pressure. I have faced worse and have built up a strong defense mechanism against unwanted mockery, and in a way have become extremely thick skinned and ‘shyless’. With ‘tactical ignoring’ I fly the banner of being single and still not ready to get ‘coupled’ despite age and all.
If at any time my nuptial ceremony should happen, there is a need to fulfill everlasting ordeals before anything else. In the beginning, the fairest damsel is chosen from the land for the “Labour and fruit,” after much deliberation and selection. Thus, commences the rites and rituals to pronounce “I Do” and the over the top Naga wedding ritual, which has become bigger than the big fat Indian wedding, which the whole-wide world mocks.
What is it with this Naga marriage thing they are harping about? All across the land, it is as if marriages have become a public affair and not something intimate. One also gets the feeling that only the lavish material demonstration completes the ceremony of wedding. It sure looks like the institution of marriage, just as any other institutions in Nagaland, has hit the wrong note. Lately, the kind of weddings in Nagaland being patronized and raved about appears like only Village Chiefs are getting hitched. The expenses are highly extravagant, the ceremony too superficial, and the mob just too many in number. Along with the taxing, exhausting and laborious celebration, the story of who gives what and who gets what, begin to travel far and wide, into the ears of strangers whose jaw drops and remain suspended mid-air for a while. Apparently, gifts received (monetary and materials) surpasses common humankind’s comprehension. True, who do not appreciate gifts- the more and dearer the better! However, the kinds of gift should be proportionate to what you can, and not how much you can. Remember, the government cannot even pay the basic salary on time and poor people are getting poorer! We should not help the government by impoverishing ourselves.
Wedding planners! What? Just like the bartenders in our ‘dry state’? Well, till some years back close friends and relatives together planned for the wedding. Decorations and the rest of the planning were done by our friends and relatives out of sheer goodwill expecting nothing in return. Now it has become a service to be paid for. The fellowship of the rings was a love affair not only for the bride and groom but a memorable affair for all the near and dear ones. It was a time to show and know how much you are loved and respected. For some mysterious reasons, we have started to outsource all our major activities relating to marriage. Hence, we have discovered more ways to spend our resources given to us in kind by the central government.
Wedding dress for the bride was generally our rich and beautiful traditional wrap-around. But, perhaps the level of chastity is too high that the whitest and the most expensive wedding gown can be the only symbolic implication that can proportionately compliment the modesty of a woman.
Since we do not wish to display any lesser, there are cases of loans taken from the bank or other “loaners” to trade the marital vows. The competitive spirit in us wants to out-do the other brides and grooms. Only if we are so much competitive to up-root the evils in our society that lead to such grand weddings! The wedding, thus, becomes a battleground to unleash and display wealth, power, and how many cars were received as gifts.
We shall now talk about our eminent leaders marrying their sons and daughters off! Please bear with me. I might rant like a lunatic out of frustration but my ideas and argument will still be intact. Here is how it is…
Mr. A, who is/was an officer/Minister/bureaucrat/or any thief, decided to get his son Mr. A- married. Now, Mr. A- throughout his lifetime has not earned a single paise because Mr. A was busy thieving and accumulating on behalf of him and his entire family. Mr. A- and his other siblings A-1, A-2, A-3, and A-4 have studied in the best schools and colleges, not only in Nagaland and India but abroad, because of the theft. They live in posh localities in the metropolitans- their monthly rent and bills being more than the annual income of an officer in Nagaland. And oh! We will not talk about their love for shopping, driving fancy cars and narrating tales like Nagaland is their private farmland. Oh! To be a “Blue-blooded” Naga! When they finish their studies Mr. A- and his beloved brothers and sisters are given the post of officers, other bureaucratic and political jobs because Mr. A has looted the state’s wealth meant for development and to assist needy people, and can pay for the vacant posts. Now, the time has come for Mr. A- to get married, and the bride Ms. B- (Mr & Mrs. B’s Daughter) apparently has to be from some thieving family like Mr. A’s. We do not know what happens inside the Jericho wall-like fortification built around the mansions of Mr. A’s and Mr. B’s, but the D-Day unfurls the pomposity of the event which will even make a prideful and ostentatious bird like peacock hide their head inside the earth in shame. We are a poor state at the bottom of the economic rung but we have very affluent individuals.
Thereafter, Mr & Mrs. A-, Mr & Mrs. A, and Mr & Mrs. B walk around the streets with their heads held high in high-heels and coats praising the Lord. Like they have earned their dues and the objective of them coming to this earth fulfilled! Such, apparently, is happily ever after in the Naga fairy tale.
This is a grave issue and is happening frequently. Such scrupulous wedding ceremony and unending ceremonies with public funds should end ASAP, lest these shameless thieves will one day trade Nagaland for dowry.
Somehow, it is always around December. The weather gets colder and the expenses even more because of the countless celebrations and jubilations. For some, it also means to go without receiving their dues. Students’ scholarship, teachers salary, nurses and other employees wages have run short, and there have been major protests to rectify the endemic thieving practices of our already dishonorable government (this is not attacking the government. Just merely saying what was and what is). To talk about thievery and corruption in Nagaland is like talking about the number of times Elizabeth Taylor married and re-married. We have sadly, seemed to internalize corruption and dishonesty, taking it as the usual run-off things.
And while we are still in the page of marriage, I have started receiving wedding cards. Not mine. Theirs! P.S. No tadpoles have turned into frogs as I write and share this mighty thought on “coupling” in Nagaland.
