Ran out of Pork this Christmas?
Buy Ghee; put them into the fridge overnight. There, you have nice fatty chunks to make your Christmas more meaningful.
Are you one of those smart guys whose wallets go on strict diet every time Christmas nears?
Impose “Friendship Tax” on your friends for their being your Friends. Simple.
Are you from Kohima? Hate getting under icy blankets and mattresses?
Worry not. Get inside your blankets and stay there for a while. There, within minutes your blankets are warm under.
Are your blankets and woolen pillows stinking after having stayed stuffed all throughout the year and now you need them?
Before getting into bed, just go grab your sister’s perfume. Spray it generously in and around your Philtrum (that space/small dent between your nose-holes and upper lip, dingbat). There, you can smell only the nice fragrance now and not those tangy smelly blankets.
Are you from Kohima? Water scarcity again?
Worry not, help is here. Dimapur is just a 2-hour drive away. Get a pot and hire a taxi.
From Kohima? Haven’t taken a bath since October; too cold to even take off your jacket?
Worry not. Dissolve Lifebuoy soap in a bucket. Now soak your clothes. Now wear them. There, you need not take off your clothes now.
Weary of hordes of children tearing down your door with 2-line We-wish-you-Merry-Christmas songs?
Smile brightly, wish them Merry Christmas and impose “Donation Tax” on them.
Cannot sleep with those bright Christmas lights blinking frantically from your veranda?
Switch them off.
Nagaland’s load shedding ruined your Christmas lights?
Wait for the power supply to be restored.
No cash to buy your girlfriend a Christmas gift?
Find a girl who hates gifts.
No cash to buy your boyfriend a Christmas gift?
Simply inform him that he’s already got you, for goodness sake!
No cash to buy crackers?
Record the sound of bursting crackers as your neighbors blast theirs. Play and Replay the sound from your CD speakers.
Cannot get enough of yummy Naga pork?
Walk into any of the hundreds of wedding receptions going on at any day and time of December in Nagaland. Demolish the serving table to your heart’s content. The Groom thinks you are from his bride’s side; the Bride thinks you are from his side. The guests automatically think you are one of the hundreds invited to the wedding. Try this. (I have done this several times with my Patkai buddies, smile*)
Anyway, is your Christmas party out of beer?
Sniff Dendrite
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ahead, dear readers.
(Popular Journalist and Columnist Al Ngullie is today the only Naga Media personality from Nagaland with the highest index on the Internet. National and international newspapers, magazines and internet institutions have published the works of the All-India Journalists Inclusive Media Fellowship recipient. Young but accomplished, brilliant, shy and soft-spoken yet an unpredictable prankster, Ngullie is also considered one of the best Reporting Journalists from Nagaland as well as a pioneer of contemporary satire and creative writing from amongst Nagas. Al adores his mother whom he calls the “beautifulest and bestest.” He loves music and reading. Write to him at alngullie@yahoo.com. You can also stay updated through his Facebook fanpages/groups)
Buy Ghee; put them into the fridge overnight. There, you have nice fatty chunks to make your Christmas more meaningful.
Are you one of those smart guys whose wallets go on strict diet every time Christmas nears?
Impose “Friendship Tax” on your friends for their being your Friends. Simple.
Are you from Kohima? Hate getting under icy blankets and mattresses?
Worry not. Get inside your blankets and stay there for a while. There, within minutes your blankets are warm under.
Are your blankets and woolen pillows stinking after having stayed stuffed all throughout the year and now you need them?
Before getting into bed, just go grab your sister’s perfume. Spray it generously in and around your Philtrum (that space/small dent between your nose-holes and upper lip, dingbat). There, you can smell only the nice fragrance now and not those tangy smelly blankets.
Are you from Kohima? Water scarcity again?
Worry not, help is here. Dimapur is just a 2-hour drive away. Get a pot and hire a taxi.
From Kohima? Haven’t taken a bath since October; too cold to even take off your jacket?
Worry not. Dissolve Lifebuoy soap in a bucket. Now soak your clothes. Now wear them. There, you need not take off your clothes now.
Weary of hordes of children tearing down your door with 2-line We-wish-you-Merry-Christmas songs?
Smile brightly, wish them Merry Christmas and impose “Donation Tax” on them.
Cannot sleep with those bright Christmas lights blinking frantically from your veranda?
Switch them off.
Nagaland’s load shedding ruined your Christmas lights?
Wait for the power supply to be restored.
No cash to buy your girlfriend a Christmas gift?
Find a girl who hates gifts.
No cash to buy your boyfriend a Christmas gift?
Simply inform him that he’s already got you, for goodness sake!
No cash to buy crackers?
Record the sound of bursting crackers as your neighbors blast theirs. Play and Replay the sound from your CD speakers.
Cannot get enough of yummy Naga pork?
Walk into any of the hundreds of wedding receptions going on at any day and time of December in Nagaland. Demolish the serving table to your heart’s content. The Groom thinks you are from his bride’s side; the Bride thinks you are from his side. The guests automatically think you are one of the hundreds invited to the wedding. Try this. (I have done this several times with my Patkai buddies, smile*)
Anyway, is your Christmas party out of beer?
Sniff Dendrite
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ahead, dear readers.
(Popular Journalist and Columnist Al Ngullie is today the only Naga Media personality from Nagaland with the highest index on the Internet. National and international newspapers, magazines and internet institutions have published the works of the All-India Journalists Inclusive Media Fellowship recipient. Young but accomplished, brilliant, shy and soft-spoken yet an unpredictable prankster, Ngullie is also considered one of the best Reporting Journalists from Nagaland as well as a pioneer of contemporary satire and creative writing from amongst Nagas. Al adores his mother whom he calls the “beautifulest and bestest.” He loves music and reading. Write to him at alngullie@yahoo.com. You can also stay updated through his Facebook fanpages/groups)
