Boris and His Lockdown Parties..!

From his hairstyle I knew he was a Boris Johnson fan, and watched as he, Boris like, swept his unkempt, unruly hair into a more unkempt, unruly Boris mess. “Looks like your former Prime Minister Boris Johnson is finished,” I said, “The Partygate report about his partying during the Covid lockdown will finish his political career!”

“I think it’s unfair!” said the Boris lookalike, “Considering other world leaders were doing the same!”

“Whoa! Whoa!” I said, “Steady m’lad, but I haven’t heard of any such thing, other than Nero fiddling while Rome burnt and methinks that was some years ago!”

“Let Nero and his fiddle be,” said the imitation Boris, again sweeping his unruly mop into a bigger mess, “I’m speaking of today!”

“Leaders partying during Covid?” I asked incredulously.

 “Yeah, look at Putin, just when the world was laboriously holding their breaths and masks, he slipped his missiles into Ukraine. You think that wasn’t the same as what Boris did?”

“Yeah maybe!” I admitted.

“Boris is an impressionable chap,” said the Britisher, “He looks around, sees others doing stuff, and says, ‘what the hell, let’s have a party too! And there’s others too! Look at Trump, sending dem voter troops, after his defeat, to party on Capitol Hill, you think t’was different?”

“Okay,” I said, “You do have a point!”

“Oh, many points,” said the Boris lookalike, “there’s this world leader who when his country was reeling under Covid with millions dying, spent billions on building a new building for his elected members, you think Boris didn’t see that? He must have seen those millions of immigrants walking home, without money, and must have thought blimey, let me do the same with a few bottles of scotch!”

 “You mean your former Prime minister saw all this?”

 “You blame him?” asked the Boris fan as he touched his hair roughly. “Boris was thinking, I know his mind, because we’ve got the same…”

“Hair!” I completed for him.

“Yeah, Boris was thinking last week of superfast trains being inaugurated in a country where the same money should have been spent on safety and signals, and he must have thought…”

“…That’s like my lockdown party!” I said.

“So, you see,” said the Britisher as he swept his hair again into a mop that looked so close to what the former British Prime Minister displayed, “You can’t blame me!”

“Blame who?” I shouted, “You are…”

“Boris Johnson himself!” grinned Boris, “And I’m going to seek asylum here, because it looks like you guys accept my kind of lifestyle, so let’ party.”

“Why now?” I whispered.
“Aren’t you guys arguing over some long dead Mughal king?” asked Boris, “Come on let’s party!”

I shuddered, and thanked the English scepter, crown and Kohinoor diamond that Rishi was holding fort at No 10..!

Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at www.bobsbanter.com and can be reached at bobsbanter@gmail.com