Treason In the Neighbourhood...!

There was the sound of a police jeep and policemen entering my neighbour’s compound, “What’s happening?” I shouted to my neighbour.

“Treason!” he shouted back as he opened the door and let the police in. “I called the police to arrest my wife and children!”

“Whoa! Whoa!” I shouted as I heard screams, “Why ever would you do that?”

“They revolted!” said my neighbour angrily, “Said they wanted to change our daily menu without my permission. They insisted on having potatoes and cauliflower instead of the alu- mutter I like, so I had to take this step! Am I not the head of the house? But do you know what my wife said?”

“Tell me” I said.

“She said we were equal partners! That is treason! She said that she and my son had equal rights in our decision making! They were trying to overthrow me!”

“I’m not sure,” I said.

“And do you know what my son said? I’ve recorded it; he said his mother also had a right to make decisions about what we eat! He then dialled a restaurant and ordered a potato, cauliflower dish! That was when I decided to book them! I have the evidence!” said my neighbour, producing a soiled parcel, which I recognized was from the local restaurant, “The potato and cauliflower dish arrived after my son ordered it, and the police agree this is all the evidence they need!”

I watched as the police dragged his wife and son out of the house, and stared dumbfounded as my neighbour handed over the soiled packet to the police who carefully labelled it as part of their evidence. I ran down my steps to the wife, “You can contact this lawyer!” I said, giving her a number, “He could help you!”

“Put out your hands!” shouted the policeman to me as he produced a set of handcuffs, “We will have to arrest you also.”
“I’m just giving her a lawyer’s number!” I said, “I am innocent!”

“Under the treason law nobody is innocent!” said the police constable as he roughly put the handcuffs on, “You have tried to aid these traitors and abetment is a serious crime!”

We watched fearfully from inside the police van as my neighbour smiled from his porch, then watched even more in shock as the police chief walked over and put a garland around his head and came back to the van, “Why did you garland him?” I asked, shocked.

“For every treason arrest I make, I am rewarded by the government,” said the policeman, “So I just wanted to show my appreciation!”

I looked bleakly at the handcuffs on my hand and stared at the soiled potato-cauliflower packet that had started smelling: The new treason law had already begun raising quite a stink..!

Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at and can be reached at