Policing the Left Side Only..!

After most cases of rape, assaults, kidnapping, or any crime, what one hears so often is the police station refusing to register a complaint because it is not in their area!

“Police! Police! Quick, run after the thief. I was assaulted and robbed!”

“Where were you assaulted?” asks the inspector, smiling.

“I was walking from Colaba to VT Station, when this rogue stabbed me!”

“Constable, bring the map of our area!”

“Inspector! Put some men on the job, they have stolen my wallet and mobile phone and I am bleeding!”

“First we will see whose area it is! Now tell us again, you were on which road?”

“I was walking from Colaba to..”

“No, no, which road?”

“The road that connects those two places!”

“Just have a look at this map, where were you?”



“Oh?” asks the victim, “What does oh mean?”

“That is our area!”

“Sir,” interrupts a constable, “Ask him which side of the road he was on!”

“Ah, very good constable, very good! Which side of the road where you on sir?”

“On the left side!”

“Thank god, the left side comes under the Fort Police station, not us! Constable, you will be recommended for promotion!”

“But aren’t you going to send some men after the scoundrel who attacked me?”

“We are very sorry!” says the inspector, beaming, “Thank you very much for walking on the wrong side of the road!”

“Wrong side?”

“Yes sir, that is not within our area. Please go to the Fort police station, in case you walk on the right side next time, come directly to us!”

This is no joke, but a fact. I envision the day, when larger than the name board, police stations have outside, they will have large maps stating, “Do Not Enter If You Were Not Assaulted, Raped or Murdered Here!”

This is not just in police stations, even on trains!

“Keep an eye on the stations, as we pass them!” says the grandmother to her grandchild.

“Why grandma?”

“Because if dacoits come and rob us, it is important to know where it took place, for the police to give chase!”

“Also don’t forget,” says a dacoit entering their compartment, “that it is only the final blow when we finish you off, that police consider the area where a case should be registered!”

“So what are you waiting for?” whispers the grandmother, looking fearfully at the country pistol.

“This is not a friendly area,” says the dacoit looking out of the train window, “The next one is friendlier to us..!”

Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at www.bobsbanter.com and can be reached at bobsbanter@gmail.com