The Nagas’ rich cultural tradition of backdoor appointments, bogus teachers and fictitious qualifications, has finally begun producing incomparably extraordinary idiots.
For those of you who grew up heroically declaring ‘Good, Gooder, Goodest’ in the face of great danger in ‘English two’ classes, I say you fought strong. In fact, you outdid me in the superlatives – I encountered major issues with ‘Far, Farer, Farest,’ you see.
The personal experience is a primary reason I do not rebuke our many unfortunate “graduates” and “MA” mambo-jambos who demonstrate natural talent at tripping on their ‘Has’ and ‘Have’ – or viciously pop an “Ain’t” right in the middle of an enthusiastic English oratory. Trust me, I file political reports to keep my refrigerator well-fed and I know well enough that even Mr. Neiphiu Rio’s own Cabinet boasts of some truly exceptional talents when it comes to Naga gibberish. The “education” our beloved School Education klutzheads have imparted us, is perhaps accountable for the paper-shriveling atrocities Naga society write to shout down their equally vociferous opponents.
Admitted, even some of us in the Media are no better off in skills requiring good diction, syntax and projection, run and grammar. In fact, I confess, we cringe in embarrassment digesting the quality of parsing and diction in “edited” reports on Page-1 parsed by media persons we generally look up to. Typing errors (or Typos) and editing oversights are forgivable – the biggest names in publishing are credited with some of the most horrific errors committed in the print. But errors in parsing? Unforgivable. Not even from Editors. Leave alone products of Naga teachers. I’m no better either, but as the street-smart say ‘I know my basic stuff, darling.’ So just continue reading.
We is the Nagas…
I mean, Nagas are an extraordinary people of the superlative order. When we aren’t celebrating festivals, we are fighting. And we fight in bad English. As if things weren’t already worse. We fight in English so toxic one might even think the Oxford Reference was written essentially for the Nagas. Take for instance politics. Politics is not a way of life for us, apparently. It is our life – a people who, with the skill of gladiators wave colorful syntax, unruffled propositions and polio-stricken declaratives into the face of the government. You should examine some of the atrocities our political organizations declare in the hard unedited statements. Wobbly, crazed English from the less-schooled deserves sympathy – in fact, come on, even love and kisses. But not so much for entities who represent a greater, more urbane social order – civil society leaders, political parties and governments. And many of our “students” unions definitely need a “Basic English Secretary” in their ranks.
Nevertheless, be appreciative at the very least that the land of the pork has finally found a common reason to reconcile and unite – wild English. We are all united now – many of our “graduate,” “students” and “educated” organizations (guess who), leaders of the government, civil society and the undergrounds and prominent cultural personalities (Nagas of course). And can we afford to overlook those odd copied-from-the-web articles from “research students” and “research scholars?
Here are some more of the sufficiently potty things Nagas create aside from basketry and pottery (the instances are all scoured from press releases in my “collection”). Do not ask of me what the following polio cases mean:
(1) False Propaganda – Truthfully, I’ve never come across truthful propaganda in any case.
(2) Honorable, acceptable and beneficial – I’m not sure what is honorable yet unacceptable and detrimental. Conversely, what is dishonorable yet is acceptable and beneficial to anyone? Such synonymic excesses are still integral to our 'Naga English.'
(3) General Public – My favorite. We Nagas love declaring “general public.” I assume every individual is a public. Do inform our students unions, “educated” and “college” leaders as well that there is no “general public.” Just public. ‘Public,’ in itself, means ‘general.’
(4) Recensus – A creative village council member from Zunheboto came up with this word circa 2008. The poor man was merely suggesting a review of the census. He did not mean to modernize the word.
(5) Expeditely – I believe the NGO meant to say ‘joldi joldi koribi ho.’
(6) Overaged – What the state government calls you if you are wrinkle-friendly.
(7) Fastly – You already know what it means. This one was from a Mokokchung VDB I think.
(8) Presentee – You guess. I assume a “Presentee” is someone who holds out something to you.
(9) Cosonscious – I believe the computer was unconscious when the writer was typing in the word ‘Consensus.’ You are right, the word looks a bit dazed.
(10) Rudiperlous – The printer was drunk when the word was murdered. I believe the union meant to say 'Ridiculous.’
(11) Former Ex-MLA – this one was from somewhere Wokha I think. You get exceptionally vigorous ones from us Kyongs, you know.
(12) ‘Befoxing the public’ – I don’t know if the government is…er..bewolfing the public but I believe the Press Release writer raked up the howler in trying to mean ‘baffling.’
(13) Incompromisical – I honestly, sincerely and admittedly don’t know what it means. Honest.
(14) Redressal – The exact and correct term is ‘redress.’ There is no derivative for it.
(15) Non-transparency – Our ‘educated unemployed’ organizations have monopolized this specimen.
(16) Encadrement or Encadred – Tell your dear daddies and uncles and aunties in the state government that the exact word they are looking for is ‘commissioned.’ ‘Encadrement’ is French meaning ‘Supervise’ or ‘frame’ and has no English connotative usage other than ‘commission.’
(17) “Press Rewind” – It was given as the descriptor for ‘Subject’ in a press release we received from a Naga tribal union. Let us simply assume that this polio case is an antonym for Press Forward!
(18) Conscentizing/Concentinzing – This is one word regularly used by the Naga mothers, women commission and women ‘hoho’ leaders. The word they are looking for is “Conscientization.” Yet again, “Conscientization” itself has no formal projection and entry in the English glossary and is used simply as a slangy term to illustrate the semantic connotation of ‘Critical Consciousness.’ I believe the exact word our organizations should be using is ‘critical consciousness’ or ‘awareness.’
(19) Unauthorisedly – The word is self-explanatory.
(20) Non-biased – Well, I might as well go find myself a non-wrong word, what do you say.
(21) Safetiness – Such words are the result of dangerous bostiness.
(22) Un-satisfac tion – If you…er…un-want to go to the dance party, just say you are dis-go!
(23) Uncivilized rape – I shudder at the thought of civilized rape spreading in Nagaland. Dear ladies, watch out for penises that wear tuxedos!
For those of you who grew up heroically declaring ‘Good, Gooder, Goodest’ in the face of great danger in ‘English two’ classes, I say you fought strong. In fact, you outdid me in the superlatives – I encountered major issues with ‘Far, Farer, Farest,’ you see.
The personal experience is a primary reason I do not rebuke our many unfortunate “graduates” and “MA” mambo-jambos who demonstrate natural talent at tripping on their ‘Has’ and ‘Have’ – or viciously pop an “Ain’t” right in the middle of an enthusiastic English oratory. Trust me, I file political reports to keep my refrigerator well-fed and I know well enough that even Mr. Neiphiu Rio’s own Cabinet boasts of some truly exceptional talents when it comes to Naga gibberish. The “education” our beloved School Education klutzheads have imparted us, is perhaps accountable for the paper-shriveling atrocities Naga society write to shout down their equally vociferous opponents.
Admitted, even some of us in the Media are no better off in skills requiring good diction, syntax and projection, run and grammar. In fact, I confess, we cringe in embarrassment digesting the quality of parsing and diction in “edited” reports on Page-1 parsed by media persons we generally look up to. Typing errors (or Typos) and editing oversights are forgivable – the biggest names in publishing are credited with some of the most horrific errors committed in the print. But errors in parsing? Unforgivable. Not even from Editors. Leave alone products of Naga teachers. I’m no better either, but as the street-smart say ‘I know my basic stuff, darling.’ So just continue reading.
We is the Nagas…
I mean, Nagas are an extraordinary people of the superlative order. When we aren’t celebrating festivals, we are fighting. And we fight in bad English. As if things weren’t already worse. We fight in English so toxic one might even think the Oxford Reference was written essentially for the Nagas. Take for instance politics. Politics is not a way of life for us, apparently. It is our life – a people who, with the skill of gladiators wave colorful syntax, unruffled propositions and polio-stricken declaratives into the face of the government. You should examine some of the atrocities our political organizations declare in the hard unedited statements. Wobbly, crazed English from the less-schooled deserves sympathy – in fact, come on, even love and kisses. But not so much for entities who represent a greater, more urbane social order – civil society leaders, political parties and governments. And many of our “students” unions definitely need a “Basic English Secretary” in their ranks.
Nevertheless, be appreciative at the very least that the land of the pork has finally found a common reason to reconcile and unite – wild English. We are all united now – many of our “graduate,” “students” and “educated” organizations (guess who), leaders of the government, civil society and the undergrounds and prominent cultural personalities (Nagas of course). And can we afford to overlook those odd copied-from-the-web articles from “research students” and “research scholars?
Here are some more of the sufficiently potty things Nagas create aside from basketry and pottery (the instances are all scoured from press releases in my “collection”). Do not ask of me what the following polio cases mean:
(1) False Propaganda – Truthfully, I’ve never come across truthful propaganda in any case.
(2) Honorable, acceptable and beneficial – I’m not sure what is honorable yet unacceptable and detrimental. Conversely, what is dishonorable yet is acceptable and beneficial to anyone? Such synonymic excesses are still integral to our 'Naga English.'
(3) General Public – My favorite. We Nagas love declaring “general public.” I assume every individual is a public. Do inform our students unions, “educated” and “college” leaders as well that there is no “general public.” Just public. ‘Public,’ in itself, means ‘general.’
(4) Recensus – A creative village council member from Zunheboto came up with this word circa 2008. The poor man was merely suggesting a review of the census. He did not mean to modernize the word.
(5) Expeditely – I believe the NGO meant to say ‘joldi joldi koribi ho.’
(6) Overaged – What the state government calls you if you are wrinkle-friendly.
(7) Fastly – You already know what it means. This one was from a Mokokchung VDB I think.
(8) Presentee – You guess. I assume a “Presentee” is someone who holds out something to you.
(9) Cosonscious – I believe the computer was unconscious when the writer was typing in the word ‘Consensus.’ You are right, the word looks a bit dazed.
(10) Rudiperlous – The printer was drunk when the word was murdered. I believe the union meant to say 'Ridiculous.’
(11) Former Ex-MLA – this one was from somewhere Wokha I think. You get exceptionally vigorous ones from us Kyongs, you know.
(12) ‘Befoxing the public’ – I don’t know if the government is…er..bewolfing the public but I believe the Press Release writer raked up the howler in trying to mean ‘baffling.’
(13) Incompromisical – I honestly, sincerely and admittedly don’t know what it means. Honest.
(14) Redressal – The exact and correct term is ‘redress.’ There is no derivative for it.
(15) Non-transparency – Our ‘educated unemployed’ organizations have monopolized this specimen.
(16) Encadrement or Encadred – Tell your dear daddies and uncles and aunties in the state government that the exact word they are looking for is ‘commissioned.’ ‘Encadrement’ is French meaning ‘Supervise’ or ‘frame’ and has no English connotative usage other than ‘commission.’
(17) “Press Rewind” – It was given as the descriptor for ‘Subject’ in a press release we received from a Naga tribal union. Let us simply assume that this polio case is an antonym for Press Forward!
(18) Conscentizing/Concentinzing – This is one word regularly used by the Naga mothers, women commission and women ‘hoho’ leaders. The word they are looking for is “Conscientization.” Yet again, “Conscientization” itself has no formal projection and entry in the English glossary and is used simply as a slangy term to illustrate the semantic connotation of ‘Critical Consciousness.’ I believe the exact word our organizations should be using is ‘critical consciousness’ or ‘awareness.’
(19) Unauthorisedly – The word is self-explanatory.
(20) Non-biased – Well, I might as well go find myself a non-wrong word, what do you say.
(21) Safetiness – Such words are the result of dangerous bostiness.
(22) Un-satisfac tion – If you…er…un-want to go to the dance party, just say you are dis-go!
(23) Uncivilized rape – I shudder at the thought of civilized rape spreading in Nagaland. Dear ladies, watch out for penises that wear tuxedos!
(With readers from around the world, popular Journalist and Columnist Al Ngullie is today the only Naga Media personality from Nagaland with the highest search-index on the Internet. National and international newspapers and magazines and internet institutions have published the works of the All-India Inclusive Media Fellowship recipient. Young, shy and soft-spoken, Ngullie adores his “my mostest beautifulest” mother and enjoys reading and blogging. Write to him at alngullie@yahoo.com. You can also speak your mind on his fanpages/groups on Facebook)
