Al Ngullie
(Readers may want to refer to the first part of this article The Morung Express, Monday Sept 6 edition)
There are some irreversible gaffes we the Press people continue to commit in the course of journalistic endeavors. Blame it on stress, long hours or even bad office food. But truth often comes in packages of appallingly ugly slips – even if mistyped or worst, misspelled. The ignominies listed here are some of the classic technical crimes – mostly mistyped or Spoonerisms – that escaped the prying eyes of The Morung Express editors to land up in your morning tea, since 2005.
You see, dear reader, over the years I’d been collecting “specimens” of ‘transgressions’ that found place in the print. Our sins – journalists’ – are many and the irrevocability of the printed letter compounds our failings. Examine these few time-tested sins committed by my fellow Morung journalists and Yours Truly as well. They all are from my “private collections,” all from The Morung Express (now you can plain imagine the state of the other dailies comparatively, perhaps). They are mostly unintentional spoonerisms owing to (a) erroneous rephrasing by reporters during filing reports (b) straight quotes right from the mouths of the sources themselves (we need no refresher courses on the sort of gab Naga leaders are capable of) and (c ) a combination of ‘a’ and ‘b’ only to be murdered by terrible typing again. Some of you may have come across one of these deviations. Enjoy:
• ‘The Naga Hoho has appealed to the pubic to put more effort…’
• ‘…and said you are the kind of pubic the Nagas need at this crucial juncture’
• ‘Nagaland Chief Minister Neiphiu Rio today asserted that the Cock upholds the identity of the Nagas…’
• “Minister TR Zeliang appreciated the quality of the beauty contest and said this time, it has taken a parading shit…”
• ‘Thief Minister Neiphiu Rio today said the DoNER Ministry …’
• ‘The valedictory function was graced by the Horrible Minister of Industry & Commerce Khekhio Zhimomi…’
• ‘The horri’ble MLA alleged that his counterpart was denying the area development funds since…’
• ‘When the Thief Guest arrived, the traditional screaming welcomed him…”
• “Nagaland’s MRP to the Rajya Sabha Wangyuh Konyak …’
• ‘General Secretary of the North East Students’ Organization NSCN Lotha…’ (Former NSF president NSN Lotha’s name regularly fall victim to Spoonerism and mistyping thanks to his initials’ visual affinity to the nomenclature of the NSCN. And especially for us the Press, when we get hundreds of statements from the NSCNs every second day, somehow our minds are always naturally browbeaten by habit!)
Citizens’ Freedom of Depression
Similar to our terrible gaffes, are the kind of statements we receive here everyday at the paper, from citizens and readers commenting on various points of concern. The statements in the following found their way into the print and are straight quotes. Neither retouches nor have the glorious misspellings been corrected. They are verbatim. If you fail to comprehend any of the ensuing ignominies – notwithstanding your superlative efforts – remember it is not stupidity to blame.
• “…so one FIR was launched into the East police station…” (a civil organization detailing a complaint to Dimapur police)
• “…but even after a lapse of one month, the highly respected fails to give deaf ear to the complaint lodged by…” (one of the commonest –and strangely, parallel –lines used by one too many a civil organization in Nagaland today)
• “…the union is demanded to know why authority is giving only deaf ears to us…” (a disgruntled students’ union)
• “…the fact remains that the concerned authorities decides to remain a deaf ear with total silence…” ( another students’ body)
• “…if Assam and Nagaland undertake war between each other, even God is no support to Assam and Assam bullet and ammunition will not fire because Nagaland is in the right of issue, and God is support to Nagaland…” (a citizen writing on the Assam-Nagaland war )
• “…citizens are suffered due to the non-availability of water scarcity…” (A distraught, water shortage-hit Kohima citizen)
• “…random killings is so high that it is about to extinct the people of the state”. (A civil organization’s lamenting the bloodshed in Nagaland)
• The (Naga organization)… call upon your highly esteem office enunciating the needs of the Naga students and the Naga people in order to fruition the society. (a Naga students’ body appealing to the chief minister)
• “Individuals wearing headgears, hats, caps are requested to remove the same while approaching the helicopter, when not switch off.” (from the NST)
• “People have a very harmful effect on health hazard. People are also considered as social evil” (a concerned citizen cautioning on the ill-effects of tobacco)
• “A case against of molestation and attempt of rape….was taken up” (a local body on you-know-what)
• “I am pleased and honored to inform you that there is a clerical error…” (a corrigendum from a local organization to our editor)
• “Human beings are the means that degrade both environment and biology where also human beings crawled on a wrong track leading our climate to change drastically.” (a student leader on climate change)
• “Any form of meeting convince or conduct by any individual or group parallel to coordination committee will be an unusual and a great defaulter in the present society.” (A local organization warning against convening meetings without its consent)
• “This case is just another ice-berg…” (an organization on a crime case)
• “…so we have formed ourselves as the Nagaland Cashew Nuts Association.” (an organization, from Nagaland of course)
Again, certainly, we do receive very interesting subject titles and sub-headings on press releases when crimes take place. Here are some classics from my collection. (Please note here that they are not condemning the Press community):
• Press Condemned
• Press Condemnation
• Condemned Press
• Letter of Press Condemned
• Joined Condemned (a joint statement from a group of organizations condemning a crime)
The regular ones are:
• Press Released
• Exigency Reminder
• Reminder of Press
• Memorandum/Representation/Petition
• Subject: Press Released
• Request for Press Release
• Exigent Representation (Somebody should inform the Naga students’ organizations especially the NSF about this offensive howler they employ passionately)
And my all-time favorite?
• Subject: Pressed Letter
Yes, dear reader, a terrible taskmaster Journalism and its mandatory package of stress can be. In the meantime, be assured that we are still trying our best not to shake your literary sensibilities during your breakfast.
Al Ngullie is a Senior Sub-editor of The Morung Express. He has been writing for 10 years and is an established Journalist and a popular Columnist and Music Reviewer. He can be reached at alngullie@yahoo.com
