Dedicated to all the mothers
Imna Imchen
University of Missouri-Kansas
It’s Mother’s day again and theoretically speaking, we relieve our mothers of cooking and other household chores. Husbands and children make the special meal or order food from the restaurant. Poor families offer praises and maybe buy a card, and rich families finds it as an opportunity to shower gifts. Well, it doesn’t last for more then twelve hours anyway. Before the dusk, she is back on her working mill, catching the time lost. It doesn’t take long for the fantasy to vanish into thin air. She is already back at the war front, juggling multiple task; from cooking to cleaning, children to husband, attending guest and animals, humbly absorbing complains from kids and abuses from husbands and once in while, the loving husband smacks her for the silliest things. Sometimes I wonder if one day in a year is even enough to say ‘Thank you, mom’. Thirty three days in thirty three years! I feel that it is not sufficiently enough. I for one feel that everyday should be Mother’s day. Well if it was Father’s day or children’s day, I would have argued that everyday should be Father’s day and Children’s day too.
Anyway, I have been thinking that my mother was the best in the world and no other mother can be compared to her. But then I realized that, yes, my mother is the best and all the other mothers out there are all the same too. I feel that, one of the problems amongst us is that, we consider our own mother as the only one. But if we rethink that word “only my mom is the best’ and use the hermeneutic of suspicion, we will discover that, unconsciously we are implying that other mothers are not as good as my own mother. In other words, we look down all other mothers except our own. Maybe this is a deep psychological problem that scholars need to revisit and see if female abuse could be connected to such negative unconscious mind. Well, the goal of my paper is not to indulge into deep psychological analysis but to demonstrate how mothers are sometimes funny, loving and worth praising them everyday. Anyway, during the last few years, I met couple of mothers and I realized how wonderful they are. In this article, I would like to share their stories and highlight some of lessons that I have learnt from all of them.
My mother told me that she studied till standard VI and it was a big deal some fifty years ago. She gave birth to six children. Some seventeen years ago, my father and my eldest brother died together. I guess they felt lonely to die alone. Except for elder sister who was in college, the rest of us were still in school when this happened. During those days, the wife or a child of the deceased was given a job as part of compensation by the department. So my mother applied for the job but lo and behold she was terminated after some months. For seventeen years, she supported five children with my dad’s pension. All five of us have graduated and got jobs, well, except for me. I often wondered how she pulled through for the last seventeen years! During the last seventeen years, I got the glimpses of my mom praying with tears every night, praying for small miracles, not big ones but enough to survive. She uses to pray, “Lord, please speak to those people that I am going to borrow money from. Touch their heart and show mercy on us.” Year after year she did the same prayer and we really never worried for our fees, food, cloths and transportation. I often tell my friends today that we are what we are today because of my mom’s tears and hidden prayers. This to me is the woman of faith and prayer.
Another woman that I have known for the last 4 years is my mother-in-law. She is tough and not funny like my mom. Well she can be funny sometimes but mostly she is all serious business. She is always poised, articulate and always makes sure that all her guests are properly taken care of. But above all, I have never seen anyone who has dedicated herself so much for the welfare of her husband and children. Although there is so much about her, let me share one thing that I really admire. My sister-in-law had an accident some 15 years ago. She passed away 2 years ago. After her accident, she was bed ridden for life. For 13 years she was in bed (well the medical term would be paralyzed) and for 13 years my mother-in-law sat besides her. I am seriously out of words to express this profound dedication and care she showed. I mean, think about it, light sleep, always alert and half of the night she is awake nursing her. Well, they had nurses too but 13 years is an awfully along period of time. This is the most profound mother’s love and care for her child that I have seen.
The third person that I want to talk about is my aunt. She is a lecturer, a very tall lady, which makes me feel uncomfortable to be near her. She is my mother-in-law’s sister. She has a stern and a strict facial expression and people think that she never laughs but believe me; her laughter in Duncan Basti can be heard from Oriental colony. She is a very joyful person, seriously. Well her husband died when their only child was some months old. She is actually not so bad looking. She is tall and slim, great English and has a wonderful personality. I was told that she had many proposals too. Anyway, she was so committed to her only son’s future. It’s obvious that being a single mom, she could easily become the center of kitchen gossip for the Nagas. She endured, she prayed and she did what she could for her son. Well, I guess all the pain and suffering that she endured was not a waste after all. Her son passed UPSC as well as NPSC.
Pain and suffering is a necessity in life. It’s part of being human. But enduring it is not necessarily everyone’s cup of tea. It’s painful when I hear of young mothers who abandon their child because they don’t see any future or that they can’t endure the pain and suffering. But, over the years, I have been convinced through and through that the child’s future is not predetermined. The child’s future is not determined by the type of school, the thickness of parent’s wallet or the number of private tutors. Any child is capable of become anything the child wants to be. It is the motivation, dedication, sacrifice, faith and hope that parents directly and indirectly inculcates in their children.
As I was growing up, I was not one of those kids that found pleasure in studying. It’s not that I hated reading because I could stay awake whole night reading Tinkle, Phantom, Tarzan and Archies. But reading for exam! that was just too much. But every exam, every year, my mom was always the one to wake me up, make tea, make lunch; the last to go to sleep, the first to be awake, praying for our exams, encouraging us, preparing the best meal she could afford. She is no alone. I am sure there will be more then half of the readers who can relate to my experiences. The amount of sacrifices they have made which is never really appreciated. Yet, not many of us are willing to thank her everyday. On this Mother’s day, I want to remind all the mothers that you are all very special. Your pain and struggle is a selfless act for your child, just like the way that Jesus did for all his children. The pain and struggle that you are going through is not just unique to you alone. There are millions of mothers out there that are going through a very similar journey. It’s only through your sacrifice that we are what we are today. I encourage you to be strong and continue the journey with your head held high.
