Robert Clements
If I’ve started writing late today, it’s because I spent the last hour or two, searching for my writing glasses. Now there’s something about searching for them; you need another pair to search for this pair, and somehow or other, the spare pair which I keep handy for such occasions, disappears on such occasions!
Which brings me to the fact that some manufacturer has a gold mine waiting for him, if he makes a pair which appears when you want it: Let’s call them ‘amazing spectacles’
At first I thought they should have little feet or small rollers attached, so when you lose them or call out to them they’ll come running to you, but somehow I think that might not work, as in rushing to you, they may hit the other pair which is also rushing to you, which means you have to give them names, as soon as you get them, ‘Hey your name is Tony!’
“But I don’t like being called Tony!”
“Why not?”
“I dunno!”
“What d’you mean you dunno?”
“I dunno, I just don’t like the name!”
“So what name do you want?”
“I dunno, it’s your job to name me!”
Realising christening them could be a problem, I decided it wouldn’t be good to have them equipped with feet or rollers. Coming back to the problem I still needed to find them when they were lost.
“Put some colour on us!”
“Colour?”
“Yeah like fluorescent paint!”
“That’s a fantastic idea, I could have you painted with shiny colours!”
Till I mentioned this to the painter who shook his head, “Saar, fluorescent paint would look funny on your face!”
“Not on my face!” I told him, “I was talking about on my glasses!”
“Which you wear on your face don’t you saar?”
I never realized my painter was such a clever fellow and looked sheepishly at him as I abandoned painting my spectacles. "What are you doing?” asked the wife this morning as I went about my morning ritual, “Searching for my glasses!” I said angrily.
“Bob!” she said, staring strangely at me.
“Don’t Bob me,” I said wearily.
“Bob, you’re wearing them!”
“But they were not on me when I started searching for them!” I said.
“You mean they’ve developed feet?” laughed the wife.
“What did you say?” I asked fearfully, and were they my spectacles, sniggering, nay laughing out loud, “We’ve evolved, we’ve developed feet, now all you have to do is name us!”
I shuddered as the wife looked at me, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just content with what I’ve got,” I said, “Don’t need no amazing spectacles..!”
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at www.bobsbanter.com and can be reached at bobsbanter@gmail.com
