One of the formidable dilemmas confronted by grandparents to their grandchildren born in different community is communication. “I could not communicate them and it makes me feel helpless” said Grandmother W. Molly from Bangalore who is on a visit to her daughter’s family in Ukhrul.” The only thing I could do is call out their names, I want to tell them how much I love them but I feel bad when they could not understand what I am saying”. Her daughter smiled back and admitted one part of her failure. She failed to teach her siblings English (as she herself was learning Tangkhul). Indeed language is very important for maintaining relationship.
When two people love each other, a difference in culture and language becomes subordinate.” It was not a love at first sight” affirmed Juno, a Kerelite married to Themngam, a Tangkhul from Ukhrul. “There was nothing between us romantically at first; he was from NE and I from south”. (They met at Mumbai Antioch Training Centre during short bible training). But they had one thing in common, both were deeply committed Christians and this brought them closer to tie the knot.” I was not prepared to adjust the new environment, but my husband understood and was respectful of me, I am grateful for that”. Juno states.
Inter cultural marriage has brought diverse people at our doorstep. Ukhrul is a small town bearing a heterogeneous outlook. Intercultural marriages led to cultural exchange and assimilation leading to emergence of new culture, what we often termed as synthetic culture.
“People in Ukhrul are friendly. I am greeted wherever I go, there is no eve teasing, catcalling unlike Mumbai”. Yet she is not so much impressed by the kind of open relationship the young people of the opposite sex shares and the frequent cases of eloping.
“One thing I like about the family culture is when I am sick the whole family gives attention, even in naming the children the whole family takes interest, which is not so in our community “. While relating to family adjustment “I feel that most families have a kind of joint - family system (all in-laws lives together).
There were times she had to face hardship and difficulty adjusting with her new found family.” I cannot cook the way I like” Juno pauses then adds” joint family is not biblical, woman is overburdened, distance gives us more love”. But she insists she has no regrets, and is happy that her marriage has brought her the kind of family she loves so much. She also admitted that everyday is a day of adjustment. “Till this day we have been working out our relationship, however the strongest bond between us is God,” claims Juno.” I see a lot of young people going abroad and settled there. I suggest that knowing each other’s background and the kind of family they belong is very important for healthy lasting relationship.
Intermarriages require great effort to have a harmonious family life.
Yet, it is a rich blessing to the society as it enlightens us more about other culture, values and language. The coming in of individuals from different community adds more colors and ideas. If we are wise enough to adopt the good side about different cultures, then in the long run it may lead to bringing development in our society.
Honthing & T’Chon
Ukhrul
