Nagaland is predominantly an agrarian society; rice being our staple food and pigs being the scapegoat in all our ‘rice-meals’. Despite the fact that more than half of our populations are cultivators, we depend majorly on import factors. Thus, our production can barely sustain the producers- the rest of the population survives on the imported grains, including pigs. Pigs are extremely loved in Nagaland! They are the VIPs (wink!). But we are not talking about pigs, or are we? (wink!) Anyway, some enterprising individuals, who having realized the plight of the land and the people, decided to invest in agriculture in Haryana with the help of Bihar. This is a clever move to inspire the unemployed youths and to increase our state’s wealth. We the common people are only foolish. Who the hell sits, whine and fret all the time, and is known to have become rich? Not even our Chief Ministers. For every such in-law teaching us life-long lessons, we have thousands of unemployed who would benefit. But, we always complain about no money, and that our in-laws are always wrong, out of place and in the way. Have we no morals? Have we no responsibility to share the burden of our impoverished life? Can we not go seeking for the perfect in-laws? We are just a bunch of losers good in losing everything; cannot find even a suitable in-law, what wretched peoples! Now, listen carefully. If we at all come to our common senses and decide to buy agricultural land in Haryana, remember the ensuing matters. The distance between Haryana and Nagaland is quite far, about 2000 Km., therefore, we need a ‘middle’ man to settle the business. And there we are! Who does better business than people from Bihar? (Biharis from now on. No hard feelings, if you wish I can also say Nagaris). They also happen to sit mid-way between Haryana and Nagaland, and in case any such deal takes place, with their UPSC-cracking-mind, they will make the deal flawless and in the quickest time. This is called the ‘golden triangle’ in economics. So, Biharis are always waiting for Naga entrepreneurs and respond like fish to water, if ever one comes their way. Some Nagas are fortune fortunate that way. They will grow lots of rice and other grains in Haryana. On their way to and fro, they will stop at Bihar, take a night rest, and in due time, sell the harvest to become wealthy. They will start buying more lands until the whole of Haryana becomes their ‘Agri’ colony. Such awesome conspiracy is not known to have existed in the ‘oral’ history and tradition of Nagaland and Nagas. Colonialism began like this! In between their journey, the in-laws can also import oil and open petrol pumps because Nagaland needs gas for vehicles. But the gas should be diluted. We do not deserve undiluted gas. We are too poor to be able to afford the pure ones. That we are given the out-of-this-world privilege to even smell how petrol and other gas smells like, should be enough reason to Praise God for the rest of our lives. While they are at it, they can also smuggle in some Alcohol. This is one main reason why the Nagaland-Bihar-Haryana ‘golden triangle’ business should thrive. Nagas love to drink. We love to drink. We love to drink with pork, drink with snails, drink with intestines, drink with ‘jaal chana’, drink with water, drink without water, drink with soda. Drinking is our culture. If you say no, go read your ancestor’s diary in the caves. Haryanvis love to drink. In fact, their government promotes alcohol (like our government does, but in different methods). Even on ‘red-letter’ days, people go to Haryana to buy alcohol. Oh! Biharis love to drink. Recently their ‘representatives’, like our ‘representatives’, declared the much unsolicited dry state. Since then, Biharis were seen traveling all the way to Odisha and West Bengal to drink. We all are drinking people, there is no reason why we should not get along. Drinking people always get along, sometimes they argue and fight like nondrinking people, but they always get along. Next: Growth of agriculture and allied sectors are rapidly declining in Haryana. They need investors in agriculture from Nagaland because they have huge plots of land available for cultivation but they do not have cultivators. Now, Biharis with their UPSC cracking minds are waiting for jobs everywhere. Their state is sadly poor and unemployment extremely high like ours. With this kind of open opportunity, we have nothing to lose but grab it by its throat (not grab by Donald Trump’s favorite female body part) and die rich or die trying (courtesy: 50 Cents’). Next: Statistically speaking, according to 2011 census, Haryana, Bihar, and Nagaland are very very similar that they cannot, but be business partners. The following data were found to be extremely identical to be considered as coincidences: • There are fewer females in all three states. • There are fewer baby girls born • Male literacy is higher than female literacy • More people reside in rural than urban • Interestingly, sex ratio in rural is better than urban • Etc. Beyond these statistics, every Nagas, Biharis, and Haryanvis were found to have an intense love of money. Also, the local bodies of the three states are predominantly ‘male-centric’. Nagaland’s 33% reservation hurdle, Haryana’s ‘chow-mien’ and ‘Chinese food’ induced rape culture, and Bihar’s “boys are boys, rape happens” clearly indicates, somewhere in the galaxy three stars crossed and they smiled at each other. Astrologers read the ‘times of Nagaland, Bihar, and Haryana’. Remember the times! What more connection do we want? Do we want a star-like sign for all the wise to head towards Bihar and Haryana? Such star-sign happened only once in history- history never repeats. Ever since then, human beings are trying to read the signs of the stars- at best we came up with zodiac signs that keep us busy to decipher the intangibles of life. We are going out of topic, but we need to know, just in case we need to know. Next: Because Haryana is very far away from Nagaland, and our ‘leaders’ will find it difficult to go all the way and tax them. By the time they reach Haryana, Indian Army would have caught them and made them over-ground. They would not want to do that. Haryanvis are huge and strong-built. Despite not knowing how to ‘single-fight’, they can overcome opponents with their sheer natural stamina and strength. They will keep ‘taxers’ away. Biharis are intelligent and sly, we always need them to evade any kind of taxes. See, the reason was agriculture, but in reality, it is also about petrol pumps and alcohol. Let us not be naïve, complaining all the time, and let us learn fast. If we start one business we can do many businesses. This is the first rule of business. I hate this demonetization from the core because this is anti-Naga. The government of India does not want the enterprising young people from Nagaland to buy land for agriculture in Haryana via Bihar. They have sent CISF and IT teams to thwart such progressive activities in Nagaland. Why are we quiet? Why are we lying low? If you do not know how to start a business, ask those who have gone before you. But remember, do not get caught. They might skip this part of their story, but I will tell you; Never get caught! If you go to prison, people think that you are bad, no matter. So never! But why do you have to transfer thrice and still ‘carry’ on? Just waiting to get caught huh? For fame? I end with these rhetoric(s). Any semblance: absolutely fiction, totally abstract, and pure luck. Toshi Longkumer, New Delhi
