So, there I was, sipping a hot cup of cutting chai outside my local tea shop, when I heard someone laugh. Not at a joke, or a meme, or even at a politician’s promise — no, someone was being laughed at for speaking English! “Angrez ban raha hai!” they snorted, as if speaking English was akin to sprouting horns and a British passport. And I thought, Ah, the climb to Everest just got steeper...
Let me explain.
Imagine, if you will, a team of enthusiastic mountaineers standing at the base of Everest. They haven't trained much, but oh, they’re spirited. One by one, the potential leaders speak — “We’ll build stamina!”, “We’ll push discipline!”, “We’ll improve our grip!” — until one chap, with all the confidence of a WhatsApp university graduate, stands up and declares, “But you’re already at the top!” Cheers erupt. No sweat, no blisters, just belief. They elect him their leader, set up tents at the base... and never climb.
That, my dear friends, is what just happened when our honourable Home Minister declared that someday, people in India will laugh at those who speak English.
Bravo! Not because it's a bold cultural shift, but because it’s the Everest delusion all over again — we’re being told we’re already on top, when in truth, we haven’t even tied our shoelaces.
Don’t get me wrong — this isn’t about colonial baggage. I love my masala dosa as much as my macaroni. But English, like it or not, is the passport to global participation. It’s the language of international diplomacy, science, aviation, academia, and yes, even those pesky user manuals for smart TVs.
So when a national leader mocks English, it’s not funny — it’s dangerous. It’s the sort of danger you don’t feel until you realise the world moved forward and we stayed stuck because someone told us we didn’t need to walk.
We've seen this before, haven’t we? Leaders spinning tales of ancient spacecraft, plastic surgery in the Vedic era, and nuclear bombs in the past. All part of this fantasy that we’ve already achieved everything. "Nothing more to do," they say, while the rest of the world updates their software and we celebrate downloading our past.
It’s this same mindset that leads to grounded aircraft, doctored data, and diplomatic disasters — because when you pretend you're the best, you forget to get better.
And if we don’t snap out of this dream soon, we’ll wake up to find ourselves not just off the global stage, but not even in the auditorium. Just like North Korea, where citizens are told they live in paradise while their lights flicker and food disappears.
So yes, learn your mother tongue. Wear your dhoti with pride. But also, don’t mock the tools that connect you to the world.
Because no one laughs at English speakers abroad — they hire them.
And while we sit mocking the language, others are scaling their Everests.
In fluent English…!
The Author conducts an online, eight session Writers and Speakers Course. If you’d like to join, do send a thumbs-up to WhatsApp number 9892572883 or send a message to bobsbanter@gmail.com
