“And you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk to them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deut 6:7.
Parenting is not just about meeting the basic necessities of a child. It goes far beyond the requirements of food, clothing & shelter and is much more than providing them with all kinds of facilities. Parents have a significant influence on how their children turn out, which include their emotional development, behavioural habits, their education and career. It is the responsibility of the parents to look after the overall development of a child and in order to do so, it is important for the parents to be present enough to support them. The support and encouragement that a child received from parents automatically foster his confidence and growth in so many aspects.
Parenting involves being present in a child’s life, especially during critical milestone of their life. A study revealed that when the parent is inactive or absent during the crucial moments, it is more likely for teens to indulge themselves in risky behaviours such as drinking, drug abuse and sexual activities. They often end up among the wrong peer group because they want to create their own moments in life. On the contrary, it is obvious that those teen who participate in every walk of their life proves to be happier and less likely to indulge in such unwanted behaviour. Yet sometimes being physically present is not enough to raise children. There has to be a connection between parent’s investment and children’s competence. Parents should spend quality amount of time with their children in order to understand their strength and weaknesses, as well as their positive and negative aspects. So, enough amount of time and commitment is required to teach the children how to regulate their behaviour and how to socially adjust with others.
One of the greatest impact parents can have on their part is through interaction. Most of the parents opine young people today care less about what they have to say but in reality parents have a lot more influence than they realise. Nothing can be more comforting to a trouble teen than been able to share his problem with parents. If teens do not approach their parents for advice and support when they face difficult situations in life, there are usually reasons. One of such reasons maybe because the parent is not a good listener. Current research suggests that young people simply need to talk and express their frustrations. Often, parents make the mistake of trying to solve their problems or jumping on their faults and mistakes which simply add more stress to their frustrations. The relation between parents and children should be such that they have the bond of a friend, the respect of a teacher and trust of a guide. A good parent is one who is a good listener and a great advisor. Young people will definitely come seeking for advice when they are ready, until then, parents can show them their care by listening. By listening, I mean more than just hearing, it involves paying close attention and genuinely caring about what they have to say.
Parents influence their children in so many ways. Interaction is one of such way through which parents influence their offspring. Both the parents and the children should learn to listen as well as share their views & ideas. Only when people interact, they learn and understand each other better. Parents should keep in mind that their children are not only listening, but most importantly, they are observing and imitating their lives ever since they are small. So it is necessary for the parents to live the same standard and rules they expect from their children to live. Parents should learn not to set a double standard of morality whereby parents expect the children to live a virtuous life while they are not bothered to lead them in first place. Parents should learn to walk the talk and not just talk the talk.
Furthermore, we find that when parents live godly lives, it is more likely that their children will have more faith in God because they tend to follow their parent’s examples. Researchers also discovered the importance of parents especially the Father and how much he influences the children. An interesting finding shows that if Dad regularly attend church on Sundays, even though mother doesn’t, it is more likely that 44% of the children will continue to attend church as adults. But, if Mom goes to church regularly and dad never show up, only 2% of children continue to attend proving that Father’s influence is very significant. Queries also show that children particularly the male child are proud of their Dad and look up to them as their role model. Young men wish to become like their father or even better than his father and some are even afraid they may never grow up to be like him. Whether you believe it or not, such is the influence parents has on their children.
Parental influence also goes beyond the parent-children relationship, and includes parental influence on education and career of their children. It is often believed that parents are the first and the best teacher a child has. The influence of parents on children’s education begins as early as pre-school and last till his career or even more. By parental influence on education on their child, I don’t mean attending parents-teachers interaction regularly. Of course it is important to keep in touch with the school and teachers but it goes beyond that. According to some researchers, “parental involvement in children’s learning is positively related to achievement”. No matter what type of education the students pursue or the age of the child, the more intense involvement of the parent brings out the better results.
Even though, there are various ways through which parents influence their children, the largest effect on the student’s academic achievement is based on parental expectations. When the child becomes aware of the level of expectation that the parent has on them, they usually tend to strive harder to achieve their goal because they do not want to disappoint their parents. Therefore, when parents have high hopes on their children, it automatically boosts them to work harder. Studies also shows that the more educated the parents are, the greater the influence on the child’s academic performance. One of the several reasons is because educated parents are able to understand the need of a student as a result they provide them with more educational opportunities. The gap between them is narrower compared to the wide gap between the less educated parents and their children. Secondly, the children’s desire to achieve more than their parents or to become better than them also helps them to do well in their academic performance. Lastly, children from poorer family may also strive hard to achieve academic success if their parents instil proper encouragement, hopes and dreams in their mind. This group of people are likely to succeed because of their strong determination to overcome their misery along with proper guidance and care from their parents can never fail. So “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Prov 22:6.
Rev. Fr. Anthony R Dukru Vice Principal, St. Joseph’s College, Jakhama
