The many dimensions of giving

‘Giving’ is a virtue and every religion advocates and preaches about it. Every parent teaches their young ones about this virtue and tells them to share their belongings like toys or eatables with their siblings and friends. Everybody would love to feel and talk about the beauty of a generous heart and no one likes to be around a selfish miser who does not share anything but likes to keep everything for himself. It is also said that the virtue of giving is at the very heart of God’s nature. In other words, one cannot reflect the magnificence and glory of God unless one has a giving spirit because God created everything out of nothing and gave it to man to enjoy and cherish. 

But when it comes to the idea and practice of giving, we tend to perceive only a very narrow dimension. Yes, many seem to associate the idea of giving only with materialistic giving. But is giving all about materials only or is there more to it beyond materials? Materialistic giving is good and noble and there is no reason why it should be discontinued. But I believe there are things which are far greater than money or materials and giving away these generously or sacrificially can accomplish and do wonders for ourselves and others. 

It is said that what you leave in your children is far more important than what you leave for them. Leaving something for our children would be like leaving them with things like land, property, bank balance, money, well-established business etc. And there is nothing wrong in leaving these for one’s children. But even if one is unable to leave this kind of materialistic things for one’s children, there are many other far greater virtues which one can leave in or inside one’s children. These can be virtues and principles like knowing the value of time and hard-work, honoring God with one’s life, learning to value life and living it to the fullest, not being jealous or envious of others, knowing that God has a purpose and plan for everyone, realizing the true meaning and purpose of life and knowing that everything we see around us are just temporary and perishable etc.

Nagas have the culture of visiting one another’s home with delicacies like chickens, ducks, pork, pig leg, pig head etc when we want to honor and respect someone. These are all good because it signifies respect and honoring one another. But there are also other things which we can give and which can actually result in far better outcomes. For instance, rather than showering our children with expensive gifts or hiring someone to take care of them, it would be much more worthwhile to sacrifice our other engagements and spend more time with them.

There are times when people need and desire our presence and we may need to oblige them with our presence during such times. But there are also times when people may need our absence and during such times we need to read between the lines and excuse ourselves and move away and give them the due needed time and space. Let us suppose that you played a crucial part in bringing together two separated family members who had been estranged. But once you have played the critical role of bringing them together after many years of estrangement, your role is over and the wisest thing to do is by honoring them with your absence by moving away so that they may have the time and space to pick up the broken pieces and mend the wounds by themselves which they may not be able to do if you continue to be in the picture. So giving our presence is important but there are also times when we need to honor others with our absence for things to move in the right direction because you are not everybody’s keeper and there is no honor and glory in giving unsolicited presence or advice when you have no more role in their story.      

Our happiness and sense of fulfillment depend a lot on the kind of relation we have with others. But it is a known and proven fact that human relation is very complex and complicated with lots of strings attached to it. Even when we have the best intentions and regards for others, misunderstanding, misconception and misinterpretations are sure to crop up from expected and unexpected quarters. And during such times lengthy explanations or even apologizing may not do any good to erase and evaporate the tensions and apprehensions that have already set in. In such situations, one of the ways to save the complex human relation would be by giving the other party ‘the benefit of the doubt” rather than harboring hatred and suspicion. So, being creative and innovative in our giving can also accomplish much.   

There is also a widespread impression that one needs to give away a certain percentage of one’s income for charity or to some institutions. But I sincerely believe that giving is not a matter of percentage but a matter of the heart. And how much to give, when to give and to whom to give should entirely be the prerogative of the giver. So when force or any sort of compulsion is used for someone to give, the whole idea of giving loses its meaning and relevance. Forcing someone to give is not giving but pure extortion. So are we sometimes extorting in the name of giving?    

I have not heard or read about great personalities like Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Teresa contributing or giving away huge sums of money to anyone or any institution or for any noble cause. It may be because they were people who never had huge sums of money or owned huge properties. But does that make them misers or someone who did not give anything or who does not believe in the principle of giving? Certainly not! In fact they gave to others things which were much more powerful and greater than money. They gave away their lives and sacrificed their entire life for the cause in which they believed. And these gifts and sacrifices touched millions of hearts around the world and made our world a better place to live in – something which money or materialistic giving could have never accomplished.    

Nelson Mandela spent 27 miserable years in prison for fighting against the menace of apartheid. During those years, he had zero income and did not know whether he would see daylight again when he went to bed in the night. For 27 long years, he was confined to a filthy prison cell. But does that mean Mandela did not give anything to his people for 27 years? Certainly Not! By just surviving in his prison cell, he was instilling faith, hope, inspiration and a promise to his people even though he did not say or do anything. The very knowledge that he was still alive inside the prison gave so much hope and courage to his people and this was something which money could have never purchased. 

A.Z. Phizo spent 30 years in a faraway foreign land. During this time, he never sent any money to his family or the Naga people to better their lives or circumstances. But does this make Phizo a non-giver or a non-contributor? Certainly Not! Nagas still revere him as someone who sacrificed his whole life for the Naga cause. This tells us that there are far greater things than money or materials which a person can give. The very fact that Phizo refused to return to his beloved homeland and chose to die in a foreign land signify something far greater than anything money could ever buy. It gave a whole new perspective and dimension about the Nagas and the Naga cause. Yes, in spite of all the propagandas and falsehood doing the round, this man chose to stand his ground and gave something to his people which money or any materialistic contribution could never have accomplished. Yes, sometimes symbolism can achieve and give much more than actuality.     

Then we have the story of the man who died on a Roman cross two thousand years ago. He never gave any money to anybody but he gave love, hope, inspiration and life everywhere he went. That’s why He is considered the epitome of giving and sacrifice even though he himself had no money to even pay his tax and had to send someone to get it from the mouth of a fish.  

So the good news is that we all can be givers. Even if you don’t have money or a bulky bank balance from where you can give, be happy because that simply means that you are in a position to give away things which can be much more powerful, greater and impactful than money.