Meyu Changkiri
In a time when families are quietly standing at a crossroads and society itself appears restless, my wife and I were given a grace-filled opportunity to observe, listen, and reflect deeply. We were invited to speak at a Parental Seminar in Nagaland and a Family Workshop in Assam. One gathering was rural, marked by simplicity and closely woven relationships. The other was suburban, shaped by speed, schedules, and modern pressures.
Though the settings were different, the burdens shared by parents, couples, and church leaders were remarkably similar. After the sessions, many remained behind, not with theoretical questions but with personal concerns. They spoke about their homes, their children, and their marriages. Beneath their words was a common longing: How do we keep our families spiritually alive and relationally strong in these confusing times?
Those conversations became mirrors reflecting the present condition of many homes today.
Different Surroundings, Similar Struggles
In the rural congregation, parents spoke about outside influences entering their homes through mobile phones and social media. They were concerned about children leaving for studies or work and returning with habits that were difficult to guide. In the suburban church, parents spoke about long working hours, academic pressure, and constant engagements that left little room for meaningful family interaction.
Different causes, same outcome.
Communication at home was weakening. Prayer was becoming irregular. Respectful dialogue between parents and children was slowly fading. Families were living under the same roof, yet drifting apart in heart, attention, and affection.
This is not merely a rural issue. It is not merely an urban issue. It is a generational issue.
The Quiet Erosion of Family Life
Families rarely collapse suddenly. They erode slowly and silently. Busyness replaces bonding. Screens replace conversations. Irritation replaces patience. Religious activity replaces genuine spiritual living at home.
Many homes still have love, but they lack time. They still have concern, but they lack communication. They still have faith, but it is no longer visibly woven into daily life.
The tragedy is not the absence of love. The tragedy is the loss of meaningful togetherness.
In earlier years, faith was not an event but a lifestyle. Children watched their parents pray. They heard calm discussions. They saw forgiveness being practised. Meals were moments of connection. Discipline was purposeful and gentle. Today, the rhythm of family life has changed so much that these formative experiences are quietly disappearing.
God’s Design for the Family Remains Unchanged
Society has changed rapidly, but God’s design for the family has not. The home is still meant to be the first classroom, the first church, the first counselling place, and the first example of Christ-like living.
It is at home that children should first learn prayer, respect, discipline, forgiveness, and love. Churches can support this. Schools can assist this. But no institution can replace what a God-fearing home is meant to cultivate.
When homes grow spiritually weak, churches feel the strain. When homes grow spiritually strong, churches become naturally vibrant.
Shepherds of Hearts
Many parents shared a painful sentiment: “We provide everything for our children, yet we feel we are losing them.” This reveals an important truth. Children do not only need provision. They need presence.
They need to see their parents pray. They need to hear patient conversations. They need to watch forgiveness in action. Children observe far more than they obey. What they see daily shapes them for life.
Parents are called not merely to raise successful children, but to shepherd young hearts.
The Emotional Climate of the Home
Children may not understand adult discussions, but they always sense tension. They notice silence. They feel unresolved conflict.
Where there is mutual respect, communication, forgiveness, and prayer between husband and wife, children grow in emotional security. Where there is ego, anger, and coldness, the home feels heavy.
A peaceful marriage is not only a private blessing. It is a stabilising gift to the children.
The Quiet Tragedy of Families Living Apart
A repeated concern in both gatherings was about children living away for studies or work, and couples staying apart for long periods due to employment.
Separation is sometimes unavoidable, but its emotional and spiritual cost is often underestimated. Children miss daily exposure to lived values. Parents lose touch with the inner struggles of their children. Shared prayer weakens. Intergenerational bonding reduces.
The danger is not rebellion. The danger is quiet detachment - where love remains, but closeness fades.
Coming Down to the Child’s Level
Children cannot always see from the parents’ perspective because they are still growing and learning. Expecting them to think like adults creates frustration.
Parents must be willing to come down to the child’s level in order to lift them higher. When parents listen patiently, explain calmly, and guide lovingly, children begin to understand why boundaries exist and why faith and discipline matter.
Instruction given at the child’s level is far more effective than commands given from a distance.
When Anger Meets Calmness
Children often express inner struggles through anger because they do not yet know how to communicate emotions properly. When anger meets anger, conflict increases. But when anger meets calmness, understanding begins.
A calm response creates safety and builds trust. When parents model emotional control, children learn emotional control.
Avoiding the Habit of Comparison
Another pattern seen in many homes is parents saying, “During our time, life was like this…” Though well intended, such comparisons can make children feel misunderstood. It is not their fault that they were born into a different generation.
Past experiences should be shared as wisdom, not as a measure to judge the present. Conversation builds bridges. Comparison builds walls.
Small Habits, Great Restoration
Restoration begins with small, consistent habits: sharing meals, praying together, listening without interruption, reading Scripture at home, reducing unnecessary screen time, and spending personal time with each child.
Simple practices, faithfully followed, rebuild what has weakened.
From Home to Society
We speak about instability in society, government, economy, politics, and religion. Yet these often reflect instability at home.
Society is made up of families. The government is run by individuals raised in homes. Faith is first learned at home. If discipline, respect, honesty, patience, and prayer are not formed in families, they do not appear later in public life.
Strong families produce stable societies.
It Begins at Home
We returned deeply grateful for the hospitality shown to us and for the opportunity to witness the longing of families to walk in God’s ways again.
The crossroads are real. But the way forward is clear.
It begins quietly at home - in simple prayers, gentle conversations, shared meals, patient listening, and consistent examples.
When God is honoured at home, harmony in society becomes a living reality, one family at a time.
