Imnajungla Jamir
Immanuel College, Dimapur
Have you ever been gaslighted? Or are you a gaslighter yourself?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that could occur among friends, couples, and even family members. Gaslighters, in a grave attempt to exert dominance, manipulate you into second-guessing your decisions.
“Did I not ask for grilled beef?” the husband yelled, sending chills down his poor wife’s spine.
“You said you wanted mashed potatoes yesterday so I thought-” she was cut off when a strong hand slammed on the dinner table. “So are you indicating that I'm lying to you?” he glared.
***
“Hey! Wanna go to the movies together later?” his friend offered.
“Uh no- I am sorry. I cannot accompany you today. I have a test tomorrow” he politely declined.
“Whhhhhhat dude, you always bail on me using the school as an excuse. Are you even my friend?” his friend feigned annoyance.
***
“Do something else. Don’t pursue Arts & Literature. I am your father, I know you are not competent enough for that big of a course” and with that, her father left the room.
“This career is just not as promising as others and we’re just scared you would not be able to pull it off” her mother gave her a pitiful look.
***
The above short narratives are some of the forms of manipulation that actively happen in all types of relationships. And when you find yourself in a situation where you're being gaslighted, you might feel a bunch of emotions all at once or separately such as guilt, anxiety, depression, insecurity, anger, self-hatred, etc. It would only be normal for you to feel the aforementioned sensitivity when you’re subjected to such mental affliction suddenly, if not regularly.
Especially if the gaslighter is someone close to you, you are stuck between their friendship and your mental well-being. Experts say that when you catch someone who is being toxic toward you, regardless of their social status or their relationship to you, to walk away. Remove yourself from an environment where you are not respected and acknowledged as a fellow human.
This allows us to cultivate a calm and peaceful attitude, providing room for self-growth and positive changes in our lives. When we find ourselves indulged in the gut of a toxic environment, we experience failure, self-doubt, vulnerability, and all the other invalidations. We refuse to be happy and always find ourselves seeking the approval of others, those who will gladly bring us down in the spite of envy.
Why are we gaslighted? Most people are habituated to be the dominant speaker while holding a conversation, hence tend to assert their dominance by gaslighting. Theoretically, they enjoy it when they receive the intended praise and validation from the people around them.
Jealousy could also be another reason behind their gaslighting.
We might be confused at first, questioning our judgment and sanity, wondering if we certainly are the “bad person” they make us seem to be. Then they sew it up by calling us “dramatic” or “crazy” whenever we voice our discomfort and opinions.
Thus, making us confirm that we are the problem and not them. This manipulation is pretty psychotic if we look at it from the third-person perspective but comparatively frightening when we are at the receiving end.
Moreover, we constantly find ourselves interacting with people be it at school, work, or home.
For this reason, it is necessary for us to be mindful of our space and the people we mix with.
Being in the company of great people boosts inner happiness and also pushes you forward.
To grow, evolve, and exist brightly.
Because: you are your home.
