The article is an inspiration drawn from the woman living behind the WALL
Behind the dark tainted wall, she was born and raised. The day she was born was less important than the expression of the wall, which stood almost immovable. The wall reluctantly placed its eyes on her and sternly fixed her in a corner and made the bitter voices her rulers. The wall patterned her innocence and confusion. She was made to believe everything as identical and powerless except the wall. The wall created her world with the conviction that it was the safest place for her and there was no better world for her. The wall introduced her to silence and fear which were to become a part of her. She was to talk, think and act only in the realm of ‘no existence’ and to live as desired and favored by the Wall. Everything the wall said she accepted and believed. She was invisible both to herself and to her world.
One night, she kept staring at the dark gigantic wall, thinking what could be on the other side of the wall. Suddenly overpowered by an inquisitive spirit she stood up and ran towards the wall and drew herself into the wall. It was then she heard the voices. Voices that were not like the bitter voices in her world, voices that were hopeful and promising. She then decided to listen to them regularly. Every day she would run towards the wall and listened to the voices. She loved listening to them not because they were pleasing to her ears but because they made her to be herself, true to her heart. They made her realized that she could be no longer invisible if she wanted to. They made her think what she could be more than she was meant to be. The voices started building a spirit in her which became more convincing and optimistic to explore the world on the other side of the wall. The voices made her realized who she was and what she wanted to be. It was a rediscovery of ‘her.’ Her spirit on realizing that the wall was making her weak became restless and she decided to leave her world for the other side of the Wall. But this was not an easy task. When it learned about her leaving the wall felt insecure and made it hard for her to leave. The wall became stronger and tormented her soul, she could neither climb nor jump over it yet her restless spirit did not give up. Determined and hopeful to see the world on the other side of the wall, she decided to break through the wall. Though fearful, she took courage in her hand, placed shame and humiliation on her back, sealed her voices in her heart and tightened her feet with her aspirations. Then like the invisible spirit she ran through the walls and breakthrough it.
The wall was strong but her spirit was stronger.
The voices on the other side of the wall did not deceive her; she was no longer invisible but invincible because she was freed from the wall. She could finally become HERSELF and what she always wanted to be. The voices and all the vibrant colors along with Hope and Promise greeted her and said ‘welcome Home.’
The woman is you, the woman is me, and the woman is us. We have all lived and some still continues to live behind the wall in either identical or different ways. Often we are silenced by the wall and our spirits being tamed we tend to forget that we are women within whom the power of exception and extraordinary lies. We are women created by the Divine with the spirit to aspire, to laugh, to teach, to lead and to control. Then how can we allow the gender theory and other superficially constructed human theories to define our being. Certainly, we do not live in a magical world where at the spin of the wand our world changes.
But we surely do live in a world where at the raise of our voices on the realities of our daily experiences in shame, subjugation and humiliation, our world will become conscious and take the chance to change. The world behind the wall awaits and the voices behind the wall are still talking about hope and promise. We need no ladders to climb the walls, we need no hands to break it down, but we only need the heart and the voices to convince ourselves that we are INVINCIBLE. We cannot be simply ‘women with feelings.’ We must be women with voices and visions that will breakthrough the wall and make us to have a relationship to ourselves and live in our intentionality, pursuit of purposes, willing and knowing.
Zavi-i Nisa, United Theological College (UTC), Bangalore
