Noel Manuel
Dependency is a disease that causes laziness, idleness and incompetence. We all love to follow and seldom wish to lead. We enjoy being told what to do and rarely do something, without being told. We have a tendency of compelling people to remind us of events and things but hardly ever initiate anything without being reminded.
The irony of life is that no one is prepared to fill his or her bucket. When dependency can do it, why should I waste my energy and time?
I met a friend a couple of weeks ago and he so desperately tried to get me involved in a network marketing company. I knew his intentions were good and how he wished I should prosper. His promises could have had no limits if I had I not reminded him that I was very busy. I left but not before I dropped an advice. ‘If you wish to succeed in a bigger way, let independency fill your bucket,’ I said.
It is true that everyone is dependent on someone and something. We cannot remain isolated. But that doesn’t give us a cause to remain dependent. When we get too dependent on something or someone, our laziness, idleness and incompetence grows and the disease virtually becomes incurable.
When we are independent and allow independency to fill our bucket, we become responsible, active, hard working, receptive and competent. We look for things to be done rather than be reminded what is to be done. We learn how something is done rather than depend on someone and something to show us how it is done.
During my days in school, I often noticed a beggar sitting at a particular point everyday. He was young and surprisingly did not suffer from any physical handicap. His frame of mind was also sound, from what I was to learn from my friends. People passed by and almost everyone dropped a coin or two. I didn’t hesitate from doing the same. But, after a couple of days, I began to question my actions. And soon, I realized that the beggar had brought upon himself the disease of laziness, idleness and incompetence. He had become so dependent on free money, that now he virtually, could not bring himself to fill his bucket. After a couple of years, the beggar was not to be found at his favourite spot. The disease, I guess, got the better of him.
They say, that when you give a man a fish, he will surely come back for another. When you teach him to fish, he will know where to go for his next meal.
Dependency is not only a disease, but a contagious one too. It spreads and spreads fast. It affects people and things around us. The results are apparently very disgusting. When we are lazy, we want to ensure that everyone around us works at the same pace that we move at. When we are idle, we want others to also remain idle so that we have someone to idle our time with. When we are incompetent, we want others to remain like us out of fear that we will be left behind.
Independency or dependency is not something that we learn in school or college. It doesn’t come scripted in our textbooks or the lessons that we learn. It begins at home.
Small lessons such as making your bed in the mornings and putting your belongings in the right place are the first steps to independency. Getting up early and studying on time, because we know how important it is for us spells independency. Helping your family in household chores and serving your community from time to time is another form of independency. Time used in a constructive manner nourishes independency.
Dependency is bad and some children are so badly affected by this disease. In a high school, there was this student who never studied for the examinations. He always depended on his friends to show him the answers. This practice came to light, when I first discovered this boy’s habit in class VII. I insisted that he be isolated during examinations. But this was not too work. He discovered a new methodology and took advantage of the isolation with dependency on small bits of papers. Finally, he was put under strict observation throughout the examinations. It worked. He failed to make it to the next class. But did pass the test in understanding the advantages of being responsible, active, hard working, receptive and competent.
There is a deep contrast in the lifestyles of the east and west. However, the most intriguing difference that striked me is the relationship shared between husband and wife. Each is so independent professionally and personally. They hold wonderful careers of their own and each is so capable of leading their own lives. The children are extraordinarily independent in everything they do. Ironically, in most parts of our country, we find dependency flourishing in most households and we define it as respect. We make our children seek permission for every little thing they do and we define it as love.
Being dependent is like living in a suffocated room. Independency is akin to enjoying the fresh air and having enough of it to boost your responsibility, activeness, hard work, receptiveness and competency.
We actually have a choice of making our children dependent or independent. And if we, as parents still continue to pick up our children’s clothes that are flung around here and there, then sadly we have a problem on hand, but not out of control. Cure the disease, while you still can, or it could turn contagious.
noelmanuel@rediffmail.com
The writer is the Coordinator of the Northeast Region (Poetry Society of India) and Life Member of the Poetry Society of India. Journalist and Correspondent Eastern Panorama (News Magazine of the Northeast) Phonetics Teacher.
