Noel Manuel
There are various forms of expression. Each form enables us to convey a message. If the smile is considered the most pleasant form of all expressions, then the anger, perhaps, is the most volatile among them. To lose our anger is good. It is a means of allowing our inner aggressions to break loose from the shackles of tolerance and patience. And wouldn’t it be great to lose something that is harmful to us. What we generally lose, we don’t find, until we go out in search for it. And who would want to go out in search for something that is harmful to us.
We are social beings and constantly exposed to different situations in our day-to-day lives. Every situation that concerns us has its effect on us. In short, we are either pleased or displeased from every outcome. When we are displeased or angered, it signifies that someone has just found our lost anger. They intend to return it to us and very often, unknowingly, we accept it. Consequently, our actions and words reverberate, the arrival of our lost anger and these feelings radiate to the people and objects around us. We turn possessed for the moment and mad for a period of time.
When we are displeased or angered from a situation, our inner aggression is resurrected. The aggression takes control of our words and actions and we practically lose all control over ourselves. In happens so quickly that in most cases we are barely aware of what is actually taking place. Like a storm, it lasts for a while and then a sudden calm engulfs the mind and body with a perennial regret of the damage done.
Anger leaves its reminiscence for a long time to come. It can be forgiven but the damage that has been caused, not nearly forgotten. To save ourselves from causing this damage, either knowingly or unknowingly, it is often wise to refuse to accept your lost anger from anyone, who seeks to return it to you. Even should they forcefully wish to gift the same?
In most cases, when we turn angry, we actually go in search of the anger that we have already lost. We are adamant to find it. And when we do, it is kept and embraced till the very end, until the point when the damage is done and to the extent of allowing our patience and tolerance to escape.
We need to learn how to first control and gradually lose our anger, particularly when we wish to allow our aggression to escape from within. I’ve often heard people say ‘I feel much better now and this is how I ought to feel’ soon after they have allowed their anger to get lost. It’s a feeling of a different kind each time we lose our anger piece by piece. To lose our anger, without actually making others bear the effect of this loss, means to safeguard and protect our patience and tolerance.
At a seminar on human relations in New Delhi, I had the opportunity to interact with some of the best speakers in the country. During the course of this interaction, I learnt that every time we intend to lose our anger, we actually end up paying a price. The price that we pay could be heavy or light. When we venture out to find our anger or accept it from others, our outcome gets heavier. The more we distant ourselves from it, the lighter our outcome becomes.
An angry friend was allowing the heat to turn on him and things could have got a lot worse, if it wasn’t for the one-liner that struck him where it mattered most. I said, ‘Lose your temper and lose it fast. Don’t keep searching for it or else you could end up bearing a heavy outcome.’
When people or things are made to suffer the onslaught of our aggression, we are literally enslaving our anger and approving our patience and tolerance to getaway. There is a continuous battle for the rights of actions and thoughts. And patience and tolerance are constantly up in arms against anger - on who should stay and who should not.
Let me put it this way. Whenever we fall ill, the first thing that comes to mind is proper medication. We know how important it is for our body cells to recover from the onslaught of the virus that has caused the sickness. The sooner we get rid of the virus from our body, the quicker we recover and begin to feel better than ever before. We know that the virus is of no use and we want to lose it as early as possible. Anger is nothing short of a virus. It pollutes the thought and action process of an individual. Worse still, it weakens our tolerance and patience.
When our patience and tolerance are weakened, our purpose to tame our anger becomes a failed attempt. It takes control of our actions and words, and the consequences become more difficult to forget than forgive. We begin to breed high degrees of aggressiveness against people and objects that surround us. Our lives gradually become a hell and our internal system turns hostile to every situation.
As an adolescent I was often reminded, ‘Never lose your anger.’ I was further counseled that only bad boys lose their anger quickly. As I aged with time and safeguarded my temper in a bid never to lose it, I realized how polluted I was turning my thoughts and actions to. For once, I never realized that losing my temper in every situation could actually help me gain and protect my patience and tolerance. And today, I have come to realize that losing my temper is good because I don’t really need it. And what I don’t really need is not worth keeping and searching for.
We can’t afford to lose what is good for us. But yes, we can manage to lose what is bad. And if you and I were to agree that anger is bad, then choosing to lose it is a good and wise decision – provided we remain strong enough never to go out to find it in any situation.
noelmanuel@rediffmail.com
The writer is the Coordinator of the Northeast Region (Poetry Society of India) and Life Member of the Poetry Society of India. Journalist and Correspondent Eastern Panorama (News Magazine of the Northeast) Phonetics Teacher.
