Kolezo Chase
Like many Nagas of my generation, I also grew up in a family where the Naga struggle was the central part of our life. We risked everything precious for it. I was as committed and ready to die for our National struggle as the five brave men in my immediate family who sacrificed their lives for the same belief and conviction. My life has been spared and my deepest longing for our people remains unchanged. My humble commitment is to so live that our people may become what God means them to be. Nagas will then struggle rightly and win.
Some of the best of our people fought wholeheartedly together for their common vision for our people. They were able to pass the severest possible test of the most horrific period in the History of the Nagas when India’s might was pitted against the heroic stand of the Nagas. But when dissension crept into our national struggle, the brave Naga fighters became bitter and deadly rivals.
I became part of the problem.
In the later part of the 60s my cousin Capt. Ariino was shot dead and the other cousin Mr. Mowu Gwizan, the commander-in-chief of the Naga army was blatantly betrayed twice. I felt as if the sun of my world had set. Driven by distrust, hate, extreme bitterness and hunger for personal revenge, I vowed in the name of Naga nationalism to eliminate those I thought responsible for all the setbacks in my life and the national struggle.
Cutting a long story short I decided to kill the man I considered responsible for my tragedy. I tried to find the right moment to shoot him, but he was always driven in a jeep in the company of other people and I could not single him out to be targeted. But I was sure I would get him one day. While almost insane with hate and bitterness it was through one of my elders, I came to know the secret of listening to God. I was touched by stories I heard from him how hate and passion for revenge had been cured and replaced by a greater passion and purpose in the lives of some people in situations similar to mine. The simple experience about listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit and obeying it was compelling. “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm. 46:10) helped me and I began to understand and learn the secret of listening to God.
In my quiet time one morning came the thought, “you have the courage to kill him but have you got the courage to love him and make him a different man?” This thought though so simple caught me unawares and I could not ignore it. It sounded so revolutionary to me. It led me out of my bitterness, although, not without a bitter struggle within myself. I had to choose whether to yield to the new thought or carry out my scheme to eliminate those I hated for what they have done to my family. I yielded to the challenge of the new thought. This became the turning point of my life. I never knew it would take as much courage to love as to kill. I felt guilty for what I had attempted to do and I repented. But apologizing to the man I hated and attempted to kill and asking for his forgiveness was more difficult than I had realized. Because to me he needed my forgiveness more than anything else. I also knew my kinsmen would not understand the decision I had made, given our traditional code of honour and revenge. But I decided to set my self free from the pestering feeling of the truth that hate is never right. So I prayed to God to enable me to meet the man I attempted to kill. God gave me the opportunity. When I met him we had a deep moving moment. I apologized to him for my hatred and asked for his forgiveness for that and for what I had tried to do to him. I told him “I have been so sensitive to how others have hurt me but so insensitive to how I have hurt others”.
My sincere apology and my asking for forgiveness from him started a chain reaction. When my betrayed cousin Mr. Mowu Gwizan Commander-in-Chief of the Naga army came out of an imprisonment of seven years, the man came to my cousin’s place and said to him, “Mowu, I am coming to you to thank you for not taking revenge on us, and I do apologize for what happened to you and ask for your forgiveness. Though all my tribesmen are not responsible for what happened to you I do apologize and ask for your forgiveness on their behalf too”. We must work together again to show our Naga people a new way, he said, Mowu told me. We were deeply moved that although he was not well, he traveled a long distance from his village to come to Mowu to put things right. We regretted that he died not long after. This man was the former P.M. of the Federal Government of Nagaland. As a leader he had shown us his greatness and big heartedness by coming to put right what went wrong. In him we found the fine quality of a courageous leader. He is none other than uncle Kughato Sukhai whom I had attempted to shoot.
Going through all these I realized that, to forgive is divine and yet to for ask forgiveness is both more human and humane. To me asking forgiveness is the essence of repentance without which a new life with totally a new attitude does not come in. Asking forgiveness comes from repentance. It seems easier for me to forgive rather than to ask forgiveness from others, because my ego and pride are brought to the light and sacrificed. People seem to be more ready to forgive rather than to ask forgiveness from others. The way of peace goes deeper and far beyond handshaking and embracing one another. It is a great, painful, but liberating challenge to those who dare at all for peace’. I found myself at peace with those I hated and feared when I humbled myself before God by letting go the big self in me and asked for forgiveness for being driven by hate. There I too was wrong in the relationship. I found my freedom from hate and fear when I found myself at peace with those I hated and feared.
