Today I am happy to be alive. Today I am accepted by my family members. Today I am a responsible father. Today I am a loving husband. Today I am accepted in the society. Today I have a vision for my future. Today I don’t do drugs.
I have heard people say that the youngest in the family is loved, cared and pampered enough to be spoilt. It is partly true, for I was the youngest of five siblings and was “spoilt”. Yes, I was spoilt, but not by love, care or pampering, rather by the lack of all these during my childhood and teenage days. My mum passed away when I was only 14 months old. And my father also passed away when I had barely celebrated my sixth birthday. The vacuum my parents left in my life widened as I started to grow and face the harsh reality of life. This vacuum in my life is still wide and unfilled, and I doubt that it will ever be filled.
My sisters and in-laws became my guardians. And I became a burden to them. I had expected so much from them but they made me lose all expectations. Maybe I had expected too much… Maybe this is just a justification for the circumstances I placed myself in… But one thing is sure, my impressionable young mind began to explore and seek avenues for acceptance and I finally sought refuge in drugs. I hail from a very remote town somewhere in Mon. But when drugs began to “empower” me I felt much bigger than the town. Ideas flew into my mind and whenever I was under the influence of the chemicals of my choice I literally felt ‘on top of the world’ wherefrom I could see all the subjects of this world. Most unfortunately I could not see the real myself from the self created height I was superficially placed by the chemicals of my choice. And so I continued to stay atop for quite sometime; back then, I could not see a life beyond drugs…
The slide downhill was inevitable… With the progress of my drug habit, I found myself entangled in anti-self, anti-family, anti-friends, and anti-society situations. And one fine day I suddenly found myself at the bottom of the world – how could the high and mighty fall! And it was really lonely down there…
During this time, my guardians had me admitted to a rehab centre in Dimapur. I received treatment there for sometime and soon came out with a confidence fuelled by my big ego typical of an inflated balloon that was bound to burst. After my tryst in the rehab centre I was clean for 19 months. During these 19 months I was clean, but my thoughts and attitudes were still inclined to drugs and it was no surprise that I found myself hit rock bottom for the second time. By this time my guardians had deserted and given up hope on me and I was, but drowning. Fortunately for me, a small remnant of hope infused during the days at the rehab still lingered. Mustering all my strength and shedding all my pride I went and knocked on the doors of the rehab centre again. By now my abscess ridden feet were rotting and stinking. Medication rather seemed to be worsening it and the incomprehensible fear of losing both my feet gripped my heart and at times numbed me and my pains. My life indeed never felt so worthless and future so dark.
Call it whatever, a miracle or by any other name but I still can’t find a most appropriate word for what occurred in my life. Amidst the loneliness, pain, agony, frustration and hopelessness there dawned a newer understanding of myself and the purpose of my being alive. This new zest for life made the days and nights at the rehab became a challenge for me to live a life, clean and sober, one day at a time…
After my treatment and rehabilitation period was over I had nowhere to go; no home, no family, and my sisters and in-laws had long lost their trust in me. The rehab centre became my home and work place, and the residents and the staff became my family. But despite this new found home and family I longed for acceptance by my sisters and in-laws. As days gave way to months and months to years, I slowly found myself building a lot of bridges; a bridge towards my sisters and in-laws, bridges with my friends, bridges with the society and a bridge with the God of my understanding. It took me several years, but today these bridges have been built and I am gratefully trotting these bridges along with so many of my well wishers who have immensely helped and supported me in building those bridges.
Today I don’t have much money but I have real wealth in my family, friends and the God of my understanding. Today I have no cars but I have my two strong feet. Today I have no secure job but I have the best job of helping my friends find a ray of hope. Today I know not what the future holds for me but I know that it is no more as dark as it was before. Today I may not know much but I know that I have been clean for more than six years. And today I can say with assurance, “There is Hope and a Wonderful Life beyond drugs”. Let us live a life without drugs.
(Shared by Sashi Meren, a recovering addict and residential counselor, ACC Rehab Centre, Prodigals’ Home, on the occasion of his marriage and farewell party at the rehab centre)
Dear Sashi as we see you go through tough times, battling with self, with family, friends, society and with God over the years of your recovery, we were counting on you that you will be another winner one day . Today you are at peace with self and the rest. As you said, “Today I am happy inside”. We believe you dear Sashi. May God continue to bless you and strengthen you and may you always be a source of inspiration to friends who are still on the way and a ray of hope to families who are still struggling with their loved one’s addiction. As you found your soul mate and a lovely daughter and venture back home to a new life and new responsibilities, we will continue to uphold you and your family in our prayers. Wishing you and your family the very best
With much love,
Prodigals’ Home family
