With a vaccine manufacturer threatening to sue a volunteer for blaming his illness on the vaccine, I decided to journey into the future and accompany the foreign representative of a fictitious vaccine manufacturer in 2021, as he did a survey after the vaccine had been given to everybody, “Let us go to that village!” said the representative of the fictitious manufacturer. And fictitious it will remain in this narrative, since I don’t have 100 crores, and even if I did, would not want it grabbed by these profitmaking manufacturers to safeguard their billion-dollar product by threatening poor people in our poor country.
We entered the village, and the headman greeted us with a garland, which he hastily took away from me when he found I was not from any vaccine company.
“Have you had any deaths in the village after the vaccinations?” asked the foreign company man sternly.
“Oh, everybody died!” said the headman as I translated, “But not to worry sir, not because of the vaccine sir! Some just slipped in the bathroom when they had high fever, some, instead of getting hospitalized treated themselves at home, stupid people!”
“What did they die off?” asked the vaccine man looking the headman in the eye then glancing back at the lawyer waiting in the car.
“It is okay sir! In the death certificate, we put some deaths to slipping in the bathroom, and others to not getting admitted in time!”
“Good!” said the vaccine man, turning to me, “See, our vaccine has been 100% successful here!”
“How is it you are the only one alive?” I asked the headman, “Did you skip taking the vaccine?”
“Don’t ask me such questions sir!” said the headman, “I don’t have even a hundred rupees on me!”
“Come, come, let us go!” said the vaccine man to me.
“Sir, my wife wants to give you one more garland!” said the headman.
“Okay,” said the vaccine man, “But do it quickly. Where is she?”
“We will have to go to her sir!”
“I can’t go anywhere, let her come here and garland me,” said the vaccine man sternly, unloosening his tie, so the garland wouldn’t unsettle it.
“But she can’t come here, sir,” said the headman, as he led us to the village crematorium, “Here is the garland which she wanted to garland you with!”
“It is a wreath!” said the ashen vaccine man, “Where is your wife?”
“In the smouldering flames sir!”
“How did she die?” asked the vaccine man, threateningly, “Are you blaming the vaccine?”
“Ofcourse not sir!” laughed the headman hysterically looking at the flames, “She too slipped in the bathroom, poor thing!”
“Good!” said the foreign vaccine man as he gave a thumbs up to the lawyer in the car..!
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and author. He blogs at www.bobsbanter.com and can be reached at bobsbanter@gmail.com
