Victor J T
Life: Not the easiest of subjects to master. And the irony is that there is no one to teach us how. Except life itself. But she is a hard taskmaster. Relentlessly, she nudges us through a trial and error process, stopping at a particularly stubborn problem we can’t seem to master, blitzing us with every variation of the problem, refusing to budge until bloody- headed eyes blinded with pain, somehow, somewhere, wisdom dawns and we learn the right attitude, the right approach. In these moments, rare in every life, she offers us glimpses of how she may be conquered and tamed. But the process is an arduous and lifelong one, and the penalty- you know what- is pain.
There is where we can use a little help. I remember some one said: “Life comes at us from the barrel of a gun.” It’s true. It’s instant, immediate, here and now. There’s no respite from it, no ceasefire we can apply until we are ready, or learn how. Life fires at us, moment to moment. How do you handle your friend (s) or colleagues desultory without triggering off an i0nstant walkout, or moderate your lot squabbling or nerve twitching chattering, or repair your relationship with your one time friends turned foes / rivals? How do you cope with the depression that settles upon you like a cloud, or the resentment against someone – irksome- that still burst into a “bone- deep searing flame or inferno every time you meet? How do you retain your values when everyone around you is discarding them like a soiled tissue, or balance your need for self- fulfilling work with your folks need for security?
The questions and conundrums never stop or cease coming or popping up. Not even exhaustion tugs at your nerve ends and your tired mind desperately beg for a break or a time- out from the merry-go-round of thoughts that consume it. The unsolved problem looms ever bigger, ever menacing. You scream with terror in the silence of your own mind, and you long for help.
But friends and family, much as you love them and they love you, may not be of help in your most critical personal crises, simply because your problems. What you are going through affects them, in all probability, involves them. And what if your circumstances do not permit you to speak frankly to outsiders, without the words spreading.
Consider this column to be your bosom chum. Tell and share what your problem is. It could be an ethical issue or matter. It could be a relationship problem – lovers, parents, in- laws, spouse, children, elders, faculty members, bosses, subordinates, neighbors- the gamut. It could be mental and emotional problem. It could just be questions you want answers to. The scope of this column is as large as life.
No matter how complex the problem is, or how much you condemn yourself for the situation, remember it can be salvaged. And that this is one space that holds off judgments. So, be at ease, relax, don’t run yourself down, but just unburden yourself. You can share it (the problem bug that’s bugging you) for problems halved are problem solved – as my lt. Daddy always quipped. Yes, indeed, there may be no easy solution (albeit the fact that to every hurdle, or for that matter, every stumbling block there’s a sure way to maneuver and emerge out – scathed or unscathed) but you can be assured of a sympathetic, hearing, and a genuine wholehearted desire to serve. Often the answer may be staring at us, but we / you may be too close to it to see it, or too blinded by your emotions to take notice or comprehend it. This is when it helps to tell us the truth or about it. An objective appraisal may yield a clearer perspective and a custom- made answer.
Many misunderstanding an conflicts arise out of our inability to see beyond our very own reaction to the problem – this sort of problems that I, the writer, have had encountered at one time of life’s opening sessions of the day- to – day affairs. Some times our weaknesses, fragile state or sensitive mind, ego may not necessarily signal otherwise, but rather, our insecurity with any kind of state or with relationship. Let me just cite for an instance; a person’s rebellious rejection of our authority may have nothing to do with us, but ones own adolescent need to discover himself or herself.
I was once consumed with bitter resentment, searing ire and anger (but not of any kind of murderous rage or destruction or annihilating mentality) at what I saw a colleague’s unjustifiable behavior. Much as I struggled to see it in the right perspective, I would revert, again and again, to the resentment gnawing at my heart. Then I spoke about it to a close boet / friend he didn’t say anything. He listened. In hearing I quipping him (my friend / my room mate) the story. I could suddenly see the colleague’s point of view. By the time I had finished narrating my tale of- should I say, ‘woe,’ my anger had dissolved / ebbed, replaced by amicable good will and compassion. So, fellas, let me tell you “talk.” Sometimes, it may be all you need. Sometimes, we may have to dig a little deeper. But, buddies, we’ll do it. Write in. Let’s be friends. One who’s there to listen, or ever ready to lend an ear; one who’s there to understand, one who’s there to sort out and share a shoulder to lean on to.
