Atongla Rothrong
When you’re five, she’s a goddess. You smear your face with her lipstick and model her earrings and high heels, wanting to be just like mommy. That’s the way it is until you’re about thirteen, when she suddenly becomes the most ignorant, benighted, out-of-touch creature on the planet, and you can’t get far enough away from her. Your primary form of interaction for the next five years or so will be a single word, “Mooooooooooooommmmmmm!” And then, somewhere between your twenties and your thirties, if you’re lucky, she becomes your best friend again.
For many little girls, Mother’s Day was a time to pick flowers, make a handmade card, and hand-deliver them with hugs and kisses. But as these girls mature into independent women, sweet, unconditional feelings of love can change, possibly leading to bittersweet relationships between a mother and a daughter.
Even celebrities such as Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and Meg Ryan have had well-publicized, toxic relationships with their mothers for a variety of reasons beyond their fame. And when Mother’s Day arrives each year, how do estranged mothers and daughters handle that day? Is it too late for them to heal a broken relationship as adults? Past literature shows that the mother-daughter relationship is considered the most significant of all intergenerational relationships.
Estrangement between a mother and a daughter is a combination of individual, familial, and societal factors. And the reasons why mothers and daughters become estranged can be varied and complex. For example, the mother’s generation may have included social aspects such as: economic depression, nuclear families, early marriage, and basic education. However, as society changes and evolves, the daughter may grow up in a completely different culture -- in a robust economy, varied family structures, delayed marriage, immediate focus on a career, and higher education.
According to research conducted involving more than 150 women ages 25 to 35, significant variations exist between ethnic groups in their mother-daughter relationship. Euro-American women want to do fun activities with their mothers, but also want to maintain certain boundaries. Asian-Indian and African-American women generally turn to their mothers for support, wisdom, and advice. Mexican-American women want to be dutiful daughters and help their mothers.
“Even though these ethnic groups varied somewhat in terms of relationships, all of the women in the study wished for the same level of connectedness with their mothers,” says Dr. Rastogi. “Almost all of the women reported that they wanted respect and trust in their relationship with their mothers.” What more can a daughter ask for, other then the aforementioned?
