“Sex education is essential to create healthy self-knowledge and reconciliation, healthy conversation and understanding, healthy mind-sets and lifestyles.” - Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
Among the many inner urges and drives of human beings, sex is the most universal and powerful drive. Individual interest for sex is instinctive and starts from early infancy. It can be known with children interest in playing with their genital organs and asking questions like –where do babies come from? Why do male and female have different sexual organs? Such are the kind of questions which are often asked by children out of their curiosity, and as they are beginning to identify their gender identity. This spontaneous curiosity about sex related things is generally ignored by the parents and often the children get rebuked when they raise these queries or they are often given the wrong information out of embarrassment, without even considering or realizing the consequences of it.
Because they did not get the logical answer, they became more curious than before. Now they try to get information from other sources. In doing so, they end up with the wrong and misleading information. Wrong concept about sex and unhealthy sexual behavior may develop because of the improper and incorrect information from misleading literature, movies and sexually perverted, ill motivated or inexperienced friends. Such inaccurate, inadequate and even distorted information about sex from unwholesome sources not only creates unhealthy attitude towards sex but it also leads to serious mental disorders, complexes and behavioral maladjustment.
During one of our family conversations, my biological sister who is aged 18 years and also known to be very inquisitive, outspoken and argumentative by nature, had shared her concerns with my parents in relating to the topic of ‘sex’ and its related areas. Her question was,’ why my parents do not talk about ‘Sex’ at home? In response to her question, my dad honestly acknowledged her question and had explained and clarified her doubts. Hence, this conversation had not only made me to think but also realize how true it is that - ‘why we do not talk about sex?’ In fact, in our society we do not much talk or discuss about topics relating to sex, be it friends circle, church, family, schools etc. The reason simply is because in a conservative society of ours, the discussion about sex is usually considered a taboo or not worthy of mention, because of the fear of being judged.
Because of the societal constraints of not being able to openly talk about the issue of sex and right knowledge about sex, many of the youngsters have fallen prey to the consequences of sex i.e. leading to teenage pregnancy, abortion, increased rate of sexually transmitted diseases, increased rate of out of wedlock or unintended pregnancy and birth, increased single parenthood, school dropout, stagnation and so on. Not only teenagers are the victim on account of improper or incorrect information but even the mature adult also suffer a lot from misleading sources resulting in fear of impotency, frigidity, diseases neurotic maladjustment, sex perversions, emotional and mental disorders and turbulence in marital relationship. These are all indirect or direct result of unnecessary repression, taboos, secrecy and guilt environment surrounding the topic of sex.
Therefore, to correct the above mentioned problems, we need to break away the silence and remove the veil of unnecessary secrecy surrounding sex. That does not mean we are to allow sex to be discussed as a subject of excessive curiosity in the minds of youngsters. However, they should get correct and appropriate answers to their queries from the right sources. Sex education also should be imparted to youngsters at the right age. We, as elders, also should not feel embarrassed to answer questions relating to child’s sex related curiosity. Their questions should be answered as simply and naturally as possible without giving unnecessary details. The children also should not get rebuked or should not be given wrong information because parents want to keep their images as idealistic, ethical and valuable.
As the children reach adolescence stage, it is the period of intensive sex consciousness as the sex impulses are strongly felt during this age. Hence, they should be given adequate and prior information regarding general hygiene and growth, information about all the anatomical and physiological changes that take place during adolescence so that they can cope better as they go through the changes. Right attitude towards opposite sex should be developed among the boys and girls. They must learn to pay due respect to the opposite sex. They also should be taught and made realize that both the male and female are equal, and just because men have superior physical strength, it does not give them a right to rule over women.
As elders, be it a father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt or in-laws, we can join hands to help and educate our youngsters in the area of sex instead of placing the responsibility on somebody else. For example, the very normal questions of sexual development of boys and girls in relating to wet dreams/seminal discharges, masturbation menstruation/monthly cycle regard to their sexuality, basic knowledge about pregnancy and childbirth should be told in advance for smooth transition, and if required refer them to the professionals like sexologists, medical practitioners or others specialists for intense help. In addition to that, encourage the youngsters to attend any workshops/seminars that are conducted in relating to sex processes, problems and related diseases. Last but not the least, acknowledge their problem and provide the right and necessary information so that they can successfully go through the different phases and challenges of life. And allow them to feel safe and free in sharing his/her concerns about his or her sexuality without shame and guilt, and without the fear of being judged. Let our home be a safe place where they can honestly share, discuss and ask questions regarding the topic of ‘sex’. Let’s begin with ‘you’ and ‘I’, and then, there will be a great transformation which would enable children to reach to the mature psychological level to discover and understand the ultimate truth- "When love expresses through you, it first expresses as the body. It becomes sex. If it expresses through the mind, which is higher, deeper, subtler, then it is called love. If it expresses through the spirit, it becomes prayer....”
Degree of Thought is a weekly community column initiated by Tetso College in partnership with The Morung Express. Degree of Thought will delve into the social, cultural, political and educational issues around us. The views expressed here do not reflect the opinion of the institution. Tetso College is a NAAC Accredited UGC recognised Commerce and Arts College. The editors are Dr Hewasa Lorin, Dr Aniruddha Babar, Nisha Dahiya and Meren. For feedback or comments please email: dot@tetsocollege.org
